Kaboutjie SA Mommy Blogs by Lynne Huysamen
I have been trying to prepare my 20 month old daughter for the fact that there is a new baby on the way, of course she doesn’t understand what I mean. I showed her my tummy and explained that there is a baby growing in there. She then rubbed my tummy, said baby and kissed my tummy. She now does it a few times a day and is quite determined to keep pulling my top up so she can see my tummy and kiss the baby.
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This is of course adorable behaviour BUT a few weeks ago when I collected her from the day mother there was a 3 month old baby there for the day. The day mother was getting my daughter’s things together and this little baby starts crying, I did what any mom would do and picked him up and rubbed his back as it seemed he had a wind.
My daughter immediately fell on the floor in a crumpled heap and started screaming and thrashing around. I got the fright of my life and it took a minute for me to realise that it is because I am holding a baby. I put the baby down and my daughter came over immediately and sat on me with a look that said “This is MY MOM”…. It was at this point I started thinking things might not be smooth sailing and that I will need to start thinking very carefully how I am going to get my girl adjusted to being the big sister.
Up until this point I was thinking that I have done this before, I have been pregnant, been through a long hard labour and had an emergency c-section. I have coped with the pain of that and the tiredness looking after a newborn…. now I realise I have not done this at all. I have not had a demanding toddler and a newborn.
Something that is driving me crazy at the moment is that my girl climbs all over me, elbowing me in my sore preggie boobs, jumping on my stomach and bouncing on the bed while I am trying my best not to vomit. I am now having visions of trying to juggle a newborn and my demanding toddler, I can see her climbing on me and sticking her pointy little toes into my c-section cut. I can’t even wash a few dishes without my daughter throwing a tantrum because I am not paying attention to her, how am I going to sit down and breastfeed a baby?
When I was pregnant with my daughter I did 2 birth preparation courses, saw a doctor as soon as I found out I was pregnant, went racing to see a gynaecologist and a midwife and started reading all the books I could on pregnancy, child birth, caring for a newborn…. everything I could find. I followed my pregnancy week by week in my books and online. Looking back I think I was quite obsessed.
This time I felt a bit bad because when I found out I was pregnant the only reason I saw a gynaecologist was to figure out what on earth happened to my IUD. I haven’t been for a scan yet or a gynaecologist visit and I haven’t read anything. The only thing I did was get some pregnancy vitamins and carry on with life as normal.
This pregnancy is already very different to my first. In my first pregnancy I had no problems except a bit of fatigue which I thought at the time was bad, but no morning sickness or dizziness. This pregnancy has already been quite hard on me, I have had morning sickness (which by the way is a STUPID name for this symptom….. it’s all day sickness), dizziness and real fatigue.
By real fatigue I mean that I am tired and added into that is a demanding toddler and the fact that I can’t just lie down and rest when I want to. I am responsible for another little being that needs a good healthy meal cooked every day, she needs clean clothes, her nappies changed, she needs to be bathed and she needs her teeth brushed.
She is also stripping all day every day and when I try and dress her it can be so demanding on me that I am tempted to just leave her and let her run around starkers in the freezing cold. I am dreading the rest of this pregnancy as I remember just about to the day I started my 2nd trimester the “heartburn” hit… I put that in inverted comma’s because yes it was bad heartburn to me when it started but it was nothing compared to the 3rd trimester heartburn. And what to say about the 3rd trimester? It was a living hell.
I had I think every possible pregnancy symptom. I had pelvic pain so bad that I could barely walk at times, I was peeing in my pants if I coughed or sneezed or laughed. I had “morning sickness” all through the 3rd trimester and of course when I vomited I also peed in my pants. Charming isn’t it?
One thing that might be different this time though is that I gained about 35kgs when I was pregnant and in the 3rd trimester I could barely move. I doubt during this pregnancy I will be given the opportunity even for 5 minutes to sit and do nothing so hopefully I won’t get so huge.
So what started off as me wondering how I am going to handle a new baby and a toddler I am now wondering how I will handle the rest of my pregnancy and a toddler! I am 11 weeks and waiting eagerly for the nausea to stop and when that stops the heartburn will probably hit me.
I am going for my first scan in 1 week and maybe just maybe we will find out if we are having a girl or boy. With my daughter we were told she was a girl at our 12 weeks scan. I want another girl, I don’t know why it is just how I feel. I did an online Chinese gender predictor thingy and it said I would have a girl so for now I will just be content with that.
I have spent a lot of time in the last few weeks just looking at my daughter and I just can’t see how I will be able to love another being as much as I love her, how another being will be as perfect and as beautiful! I can’t help but think my daughter will always be my favourite and that makes me feel bad, a mom is not supposed to have a favourite but how do you control how you feel?
I wonder what this new being will look like and what personality he or she will have and I just keep seeing my daughter and how she is. I still can’t imagine there will be another perfect little being soon. I suppose I must just wait and see how things turn out.
How did you manage with your new baby? How did you cope?
Dear Lynne
I have 4 children,and would love more,and I can PROMISE you that you will love this little person just as much,and, also instantly because you are already a mom and have experienced the love a mother has for her child.
She is also going to love her brother or sister,and in typical girl style, will probably think she is the mommy;)
Other babies don’t count!
Is always a good idea to buy a present from the new baby to the older sibling,to give in hospital. I remember when my second son was born I bought enough presents for everytime he came to visit:)
Remember every pregnancy is different,so with any luck you won’t suffer the same pelvic pain etc and there are natural rememdies you could take for the heartburn.
Of course you will be tired,having a newborn is tiring,but its so exciting seeing how different their personalities will be,you can expect them to be exactly the opposite!
Enjoy the journey,consider yourself highly favoured and blessed,what a very special baby if not even an IUD could to stop this conception,what amazing plans God must have for him/her!
Thanks Mandy, you must be supermom with 4 kids 🙂 Both my babies chose to be here, the first pregnancy I was on the pill LOL. Thank you for the tips, it is great to get ideas on how to make the transition easier for my girl.
Dear Lynne
I know where you are coming from, I to was worried how I would cope with a new born and toddler. When the time comes you will be surprised how quickly ” the worry” sorts its self out. My mom was with me for the first 2weeks after Nathan was born and I must say it really helped alot having her there to help out with Daniel (my eldest). Right from the start I kept up my daily chores,cooking included so that I wouldn’t get “to out” of routine . I made Daniel part of baby’s bath time and as Nathan got bigger it became meal time,play time ect. As for right now try explaining to your little girl that “Mommy cant pick you up as much right now because your baby sister or brother is growing and moving around inside my tummy and we wouldnt want to maybe bump or hurt him or her” Try now already saying things like, “wow isn’t that nice, do you think your sister or brother would like that aswell?”. Dont worry about that nagging feeling that you wont,cant love the new baby as much as your first child, when you hold your new miracle in your arms you will feel different, or when you see them loving each other, playing together it will make your heart swell up with love and pride xx!!
Really nice to read what everyone experiance and everyone gave a diffrent story as it might have been difficult for some mom with second or 3rd or even first.
My mom was there with me for about 4 months and the after that I was all a alone but I did cope just fine by myself