Kaboutjie SA Mommy Blogs by Lynne Huysamen
If you have recently married someone with children and if you have children of your own, you could be excited about being a part of a big, happy family. However, you might have found that blending your two families together is more difficult than you thought it would be. This is totally normal, and even if things seem to be getting off to a rather rocky start right now, you shouldn’t assume that your dream of having a big, happy family will never be a reality. Instead, consider these tips to help make adapting to your new family dynamic a little bit easier.
Understand That It Will Take Time
First of all, you have to be patient. You might have envisioned the kids immediately wanting to spend time with one another and the entire family getting along beautifully right away, but things often don’t work that way. The more that you push everyone, however, the worst that things can go. Understanding that blending two families together can require a lot of patience and a little bit of time can help make things easier and and less frustrating for you.
Avoid Trying to “Replace” the Others in the Children’s Lives
You might feel as if you are supposed to take over the role of “mom” or “dad” in your spouse’s children’s lives now that you are all a family. However, it is important not to try to replace anyone who the children care about, regardless of the circumstances. Instead, try to be your own person and to get close to the child in your own way.
Communicate with Your Spouse
Communicating with your spouse during this process is very important. After all, if the two of you are not on the same page, then it’s going to be even harder for you to get the kids on board and to get along. Making sure that these conversations are private and away from the children is also important.
Focus on Being Civil and Respectful
Many people think about children not being respectful. However, adults are sometimes be disrespectful toward children as well. Even if your newly blended family is having some growing pains right now, it is important to always focus on at least being civil and respectful toward one another, even when you don’t agree or necessarily get along well.
Look Into Counseling
Even though the kids in the family might be less than excited about the idea of doing so, encouraging everyone in the family to seek counseling and therapy can actually be very helpful as your new family is getting adjusted. The kids might have issues that they want to talk about in regards to their parents’ divorce, for example, or they might need help with coping with the major family changes that are going on right now. If everyone gets professional help with these things, it can be beneficial for the entire family.
Being a part of a blended family can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be difficult at times. There can definitely be an adjustment period, and you shouldn’t expect for everything to be perfect right away. If you follow these tips and have a little bit of patience, you might find that your new family will “blend” together and bond together more easily and quickly than you thought.
About The Author
Jordan is the beauty and brains behind Beautifully Alive! She loves eating healthy and trying new recipes.The self-proclaimed Zumba Queen has a passion for beauty products and loves reading new books. She’s always down for a DIY project!
Great article!
This is such an imported issue and a lot of people can benefit from reading this.
When I met my husband almost ten years ago he and his ex was separated and busy getting divorced.
It was such a difficult time those days because I was always seen as the “other woman”even though I had nothing to do with their marital problems or the divorce.
He already had two kids and they were still small.
His family and his ex stays in George and we stay in Nelspruit, so I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with them.
For the first few years I stood back and I didn’t interfere with the ongoing issues and I started having contact with the kids when the got older.
I met both his children in person about three years ago. The visit went well and they got to know me as a person.
I am glad to say that I have a good relationship with my husband’s daughter and we have regular contact. She also visited us last year and met her half brother (JD). I grew quite fond of her.
I don’t have a lot of contact with his son from his first marriage. He can be very childish and mean (I think his Mom has a lot to do with it) and he was very jealous of JD when he was born. Probably because JD is also a son, I don’t know but I try to not say too much and when he does contact me, I keep my side clean.
This whole experience was easier because we live far from each other but if everyone stays in one house it can be a very difficult situation.
My friend had a relationship with a guy who had a son from his previous marriage and this little boy made so much trouble for them. He always made up stories or tried to come between them. In the end it didn’t work out not just because of this but some other factors as well.
But it did have an affect on their relationship.
I can just imagine. Now, on being on the other side of the story. My dad has remarried and I have become part of a new family. She has 4 children, all who are married and some have children. Even now, when we are adults, it is a whole new concept to live with. You have to be part of the larger family, try to get to know each other and share holidays together. And what makes it more complicated is the fact that I am the youngest of them all.
It’s not just your parent’s home anymore. There is a new person that you have to build a relationship with, trying to understand their point of view etc. It does make it different, but it would have been more complicated if I wasn’t married. Now I have my own life and family to take care of. It takes a bit of the stressing out of it.
Each individual has their own habits it take patience and time to adapt to a new enviroment.
Patience is definately the most important factor in adapting to a new home with different individuals habits.
This requires an immense amount of consistancy to be successful.
Transition phase is most difficult in younger children rather than trying to impose new methods of their routine it should be considered to maintain their current routine and incorporate this within the method that one tries to maintain.
This is such a common theme these days. Most people I know either come from a blended family or is walking into one, myself included. Tolerance is very important, especially if we think that so many people are struggling with the same thing.
This article is very helpful and to the point. The most important thing is that we give it time and give members of the family the space they need to adjust to the new situation in their own time. No one person is the same and we cannot expect everyone to react and adjust on our own schedule.
Great reminder of how we should be patient, not only with ourselves and our family members, but also with others because we never know what another person might be going through.