Co-parenting And Vacations

Vacations are time for family members to unwind, reconnect and create lifetime memories away from the pressures of everyday life.

However, for divorced families who co-parent, vacations usually need concerted effort for them to become successful.

Many divorced families with young children choose to forget about their differences for a week or so and go on vacation together. When vacations don’t involve the entire family, it creates a void with the non-traveling parent missing out on precious moments and lifelong memories.

While a joint vacation is the ideal, many families may not be able to go together due to a number of factors including residual animosity, conflicting work schedules, new partners and children and financial considerations.

Where this is the case, separate vacations will require you to make plans, while keeping in mind and adhering to your child custody agreement – as advised by divorce experts.  As you think about vacation options, here are some tips on how you can navigate the issue, whether you are doing joint or separate vacations.

1. Communicate Early

Communicating early and making plans on the upcoming vacations prevents last-minute misunderstandings and quarreling over details.

Write down a vacation schedule agreement and have both parents sign. Submit a copy to your respective lawyers. Ensure the deal involves co-parenting timings during vacation.

While you may allow kids to choose the vacation spot, itinerary and activities, keep them away from knowing all the details. Children don’t need to know the nitty-gritty, unnecessary denials or requests made by each parent or the amount of cash each parent contributed.

Communicate and agree on the cost of the vacation. Money has a huge impact on divorced couples, and it can easily become a source of conflict. Keep in mind co-sharing expenses is much cheaper than paying as a single-parent.

2. Keep The Children’s Interest At Heart

Going for a vacation as a divorced couple means spending lots of time together.

Plan a holiday that captures the interest of your kids, but don’t make the other person feel uncomfortable. Avoid taking a vacation to places that can trigger unpleasant memories of prior conflict.

Explain to your children the reason for taking a joint family vacation. This prevents them from becoming confused and sparking hope that you may be getting back together.

Additionally, ensure you plan co-parenting time during the holiday to avoid conflict of interest and ensure every parent has enough time to relax and enjoy the vacation.

Every decision made during vacation should enhance your children’s health, wellbeing, and general welfare.

3. Itinerary

Knowing the details about your children at a specific time when they are spending time with the other parent is reassuring and comforting.

The vacation agreement should include details such as the itinerary, designated places and activities, and contact information in case of an emergency.

Even if vacationing together with your ex-spouse, avoid taking your kids without his/her consent, to reduce chances of conflict.

4. Be Sensitive To Events

Don’t plan for vacation when an important event is coming up like a birthday, father’s day weekend or your child’s baseball competition.

When making vacation plans consider factors that will affect not just your kids, but also your ex-spouse.

Planning a trip during your ex-spouse’s birthday or father’s/mother’s days means your kids will not be around to celebrate it with them hence creating hurt feelings.

Likewise, having your child choose between their activities and sports is not fair and may result in them losing a spot on the team, letting down their teammates or even losing opportunities for scholarships.

5. Maximize The Vacation Time

While on vacation, focus on your kids and creating memories together. Avoid using the time to gather information on your ex-spouse.

Don’t spend days alone going shopping, going to the spa or adult fun out. Instead, learn to get along with your former spouse, as the benefits will have a positive ripple effect in your everyday interactions.

Avoid activities that may cause conflict; compromise on activities, and choose to focus on enjoying the limited time together as a family. Vacation is time to let your kids bond and create a stronger relationship with both parents.

6. Pack Wisely

Ensure every parent has a copy of your children’s medical history. Both parents need to become proactive on matters concerning their children’s health and keep abreast of every condition, allergies, and diagnoses.

Please keep your child’s medical history on your phone, wallet, purse, car console, or any place easily accessible during a trip. Having the latest medical history of your child is vital for their safety and wellbeing, especially when they are away from their regular doctors and pediatrician.

7. Be Respectful Of Your Ex-spouse’s Free Time

Even during a vacation, co-parenting is still in progress, thus the need to respect your ex-spouse free time.

Allow them to relax and enjoy their alone time without interfering, following, or checking out on them. Instead, use that time wisely and engage your kids in fun activities.

Before going on the vacation, set the ground rules so everyone knows what’s expected of them. Your rules may include sleeping arrangements and whether to invite new spouses, significant others, step kids etc.

Conclusion

A vacation is supposed to be fun. A time to create and capture lifetime memories with your children. Use some of the above tips to help your entire family have a great time, whether you are having a joint or separate vacation.