Kaboutjie SA Mommy Blogs by Lynne Huysamen
Everyone knows that is just isn’t possible to be the perfect mother. Being a mother doesn’t come with an instruction manual, every baby is different and so is every mother. All that we can do is strive to be the best possible mother that we can be.
While is no one way to be the perfect mother but there are many things that you can do to be an amazing mother to your children.
One of the challenges of being a great parent is the many roles of a mother – from being a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, an employee, an employer and many more demanding roles. Juggling all of these roles and responsibilities can leave mothers feeling worn out and spread too thin by the end of the day.
It is so important to keep your priorities in order, as well as to have great time management and organization skills to stay on top of things.
Here are 10 great tips to help you be the amazing mother that you want to be:
-
Parent With Love
As a mother you will be second guessing yourself a lot of time and wondering whether you are making the right choices for your children. The important thing is to make your decisions based out of love. Families are bonded together with love, let this guide you.
Don’t be afraid to hold your baby and to shower your children with love, hugs and kisses. Be patient and remember that the time goes by so fast, you angry toddler will soon grow out of the terrible two and your teenager will soon be an adult. Try and keep that in mind when the going gets tough.
-
Be Their Teacher
Yes your children will go to school and learn lots of things from their teacher but always remember that learning begins at home. As your child’s mother you are your child’s first teacher. You will be the person that spends the most time with your children.
Make sure that you instill in your children the values and ethics that you hold dear. Teach your child manners and how to be polite.
When your child is learning at school ensure that you know what your child is being taught and reinforce these lessons at home. This will give your child a good foundation for learning and ensure that your children has the best possible chance of success.
-
Listen To Your Child
When you actively listen to your child you are showing that you are interested and that you care what your child is saying. You are giving your child your full attention and a stronger bond develops.
Your child will be more confident and will trust you more if you spend some time actively listening to your child.
Your child will also learn how to listen properly and pay attention if you are setting the right example.
-
Be A Good Role Model
Parents are a child’s most important role models. It is human nature to want to be just like your parents, so make sure that you are a good role model in everything that you do.
You can tell your children as much as you like how that should behave and they may even listen sometimes, they will learn the most from the ways that you behave and they will emulate your behavior.
-
Children Need Your Presence Not Presents
Being there for your child is of the utmost importance. You need to be there for your child when she scrapes her knee, when she is scared of the dark, when she wants to tell you about her day at school and when she is older to help her through puberty, breakups and college.
Your child is your responsibility and you need to help and guide your child every step of the way from the moment you conceive until your child is independent. Even when your child is married and has a life of her own with her own children, she will still need her mother and when things go wrong you will most likely still be the first person she runs to.
Always remember that physical things will never make up for being an absent parent. You can spoil a child with things but never with love.
Make sure that no matter how busy you are that you always make time to spend with your children.
organized
-
Be Organized
As soon as you become a mother you and you become responsible for another life you will find that your life becomes much more complicated. One way to always stay on top of things is to be organized. Get a backpack diaper bag when you have a baby so that your hands are free to look after your baby and ensure that you always pack spare clothing and everything else that you need when you go out.
Even when your children are out of nappies it is a good idea to always have spare clothes, spare underwear, a sun hat, suntan lotion, wet wipes and a myriad of other things you may need.
While these things in itself won’t make you a better parent being prepared while out will make trips out so much easier and problem free leaving you free to concentrate on your child and what is really important.
Have a daily to do list and prioritize your tasks so that all the important things get tackled first. It is so easy to get overwhelmed and forget things, having a list will make it easier to keep track of everything you need to get done. Use a diary to keep track of all your appointments, kids sports, school times and events.
-
Protect Your Child
Make sure that you protect your child from danger at all times. This starts when your child is a baby and you take steps to baby proof your home, to ensuring that your baby is fed, clothed and given good medical care when ill.
As your child gets older you will need to start teaching your child how to stay safe, for example crossing the road holding your toddler’s hand to slowly teaching your child how to cross the road safely on her own when she reaches primary school.
It is not all about keeping your child out of harm’s way – in time you need to teach your child how to cope independently too.
-
Health And Fitness
Health and fitness starts at home and it is essential to teach your child the importance of good nutrition and regular exercise. While tech is great fun and will teach your children lots of things it is also vital for children to spend lots of time outdoors playing in nature.
Getting your child involved in sports from an early age will keep your child fit and active as well as provide your child with some social stimulation in a group environment.
The best would be if you also work out and through your actions be a good fitness role model for your child. You can use fitness equipment at home, take your child with you to gym or spend time as a family outdoors, like going on hikes.
-
Accept And Love Your Child
Try to love and accept your child for who she is without any reservations. This will help your child to love and accept herself and grow up with confidence and independence.
Try to always remember that your child has her own path to walk and you are there to love, accept and support her. You are there to help her to reach her dreams.
-
Take Time Off
This is not exactly parenting, but it is such an important of being an amazing parent. You need some time out from being a parent every now and then. You mustn’t lose sight of who you are a person, you must keep doing hobbies that you enjoy and you need to spend alone time with your husband too.
Make sure that you get a babysitter every now and then to do some things on your own and some things with your partner. Talk to your parents and your in laws to see if they are happy to take your kids for a few days during school holidays.
This will give you much needed time to have a break from being a parent and to look after yourself and your marriage for a while.
Being a mother is the hardest job in the world but definitely the most rewarding. It’s a learning experience but at the end of the day we try our best and our kids think we are the best. Great tips, sometimes we forget about the little things that really matter and are the greatest ways to bond
Yes it is a darn hard job, and often I feel like I am failing but my kids think I rock so that makes it all worthwhile in the end doesn’t it?
Being a full time mom of a toddler and soon newborn is definitely a 24/7 job. I really do not mind the long hours or thr restless nights, as the payment in hugs and kisses is enough. But I hate that people judge you as a stay at home mom. My work is to look after a little human being. To love and teach her. I will never change my life. Even though it’s sometimes lonely. To be a mom is the best part of being alive!!
It sounds like you have a tight age gap between your toddler and your expected baby? Buckle up, I have 2 years and 2 months between my pigeon pair and the first 2 years were so hard I can’t even begin to explain… but now that my daughter is 6 and my son is 4 it is getting much easier and seeing the close relationship they have is so beautiful. They play so nicely together and I am now so grateful they are so close together.
@anet1 I am also a stay at home mom of three and I struggled with this title for a long time. I have a diploma in child and youth development as well as studying community and health psychology. I find when I tell people what I do they seem to treat me differently like I knew nothing in life. But as my children got a little older I saw the rewards in what I chose to do. Whilst reading the tips I am grateful to see that I am on the right track. Thanks to this article for reassuring me.
I’ve only become a mother when I was 39. When I was younger I wasn’t sure if I was going to have children or not. First you have to meet your husband that you’re spending the rest of your life with and having children must be a mutual decision. I wasn’t ready to have children before because I wanted to make sure that financially I’m ready as well. I remember when we decided to have children, I had so many mixed feelings. Excitement, wonder, fear, worry and happiness. When I fell pregnant very quickly, I was so happy and I was forever wondering about that little life growing inside of me. People said to me that I should enjoy pregnancy because it will be over so soon. I thought 9 months would feel like forever. But it wasn’t. It went by so quickly and I was savoring every moment. It was incredible to feel my first kick and to hear my baby’s heartbeat for the first time and to see his little face on the sonar. Now he is 19 months old and he surprises me every day with all his antics and little habits that makes him unique. On the day just before I went into theatre for my caeser, I was terrified. I remember thinking that this is it. There’s no turning back or do-overs. I didn’t know if I would know what to do with this tiny little human and if I would be a good mother. But once I held my child in my arms, my mother instincts kicked in and I’ve never felt such overwhelming love for anything or anyone else in my life. I am so happy that I did end up having a child because when I think back I can’t imagine how my life was before he was born.
Congrats on falling pregnant so easily at 39, from what I hear the older you are the harder it gets. I became a mom for the first time at 32 and the second time at 34…I also fell pregnant easily – in fact both times it was a surprise.
I know what you mean about waiting to meet the right person, I didn’t want to be a single mom or have a child with someone I wasn’t sure about. You are so right about that overwhelming love. When I fell pregnant the second time I was worried I wouldn’t lover him as much as my first because I couldn’t comprehend how I could love another being as much as I loved my daughter… but my little boy arrived and it was love at first sight.
I also know the feeling of meeting the right person first, we have been together for 8 years now and our son is 18 months. I love him but things have changed soo much, he lived in another city fpr a year and half before we moved back in together when our son was 7 months. It felt like i was moving in with him for the first time, forward a year later I still struggle and we have little petty arguments. Soo i think you might find the right person and then things change. I still love him very much but I ask myslef a lot do i want to do this for the next 40 years. Only time will tell.
I’m a stay at home mom for almost 10 years. Each day is a challenge
I was the youngest of 3 children, my siblings much older than me. My sister had a child when she was 23 and my parents helped raised him. Suddenly I went from a lonely child to one with a little “brother” so to speak! I was nine when he was born, so obviously we argued ALL THE TIME. We grew up together and raging teenager hormones sometimes got the best of me. I remember once saying I never ever wanted children, they are way to naughty and disobedient.. My mother reminds me of that at least once a year.. LOL! Luckily she tells me she can’t believe I didn’t want children at one stage, as I am doing such a great job! So I must be doing something right, even though I always question myself. I remember saying it but I also remember that I always knew I will be a mom someday.. Nothing could ever prepare anyone for raising kids. The hardest thing I have ever done, but also the most rewarding…
@monoqueventer I agree with you. Most of the time things are going well and we have no issues.
And then all of a sudden we have a big blow out that starts with something petty or stupid.
Then we have silent treatment for a day or so, and I always end up being the one apologizing first.
Even though I love my husband very much, it sometimes feels as if we are from completely different planets.
When we met (now almost ten years ago), he treated me so differently.
These days I feel like everything I do are just being taken for granted.
Gone are the days of romance.
It feels like whenever I open my mouth to say something, that it gets interpreted in the wrong way and it doesn’t matter what I say or do, I will always be in the wrong.
So maybe it is better if I say nothing at all, just to keep the peace.
I also have a son of 19 months and I don’t want him to be growing up in a home where his parents bicker all the time.
I’ve prayed about this and I don’t believe in giving up. I’ll keep trying and working on myself.
So that at the end of the day I will be a good example to my little boy.
Like I said, most of the time things are going well, it’s just when things go South, it really is so hurtful and I feel like a stranger in my own home.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I do not think it is ever easy, but you have the right mindset. Good luck to you.
I love this so much
We sometimes forget that they need and want us and material things we can give to them, spending time with our children is suppose to be the most important part of our lives and yet we forget that sometimes.
I am working full time and most of my days are spent driving, so I get so tired that I do not have the energy to play when I get home, but I will surely change my attitude towards this. I am never going to give up and I want to be the best possible mom for my children.
I am currently on maternity leave and I can say from my own experience that the more time spent with your children the better life is, the tantrums have down scaled and my son is happy now that I am not grumpy all the time.
Articles like these are a great wake up call in life and it makes you think about how you have acting and how that has influenced your children
As this is mostly what I am trying to do/achieve every day, there are still days that I wonder if I give enough of my time to my daughter or feel guilty about doing something that I like, while she is happily playing outside with our domestic worker or my husband. I just wish I knew what the perfect balance is between being her mom and having a chance to do something I like.
Betsie I am not so sure there is such a thing as the “perfect balance” when you are a mom. There is just not enough time in the day to do everything.
You know reading this made me go back and really think about the struggles of being a parent. Yes I know moms have been great at being super moms for centuries but honestly its thee hardest job.
I find myself relating to not spending time with my baby i always have something that needs to be done and im at work 7-5 everyday and when i get home there is no time to do anything which causes stress, anger and makes you lash out which in general makes you the bad parent.
It is so important to take time out and accept help from in-laws and parents.
I personally need to look at my time table and make more time for my self to not be a mom for just a few seconds at least…
There is just so much to do.