The last few weeks have been just hectic. First my 18 month old girl got vomiting and diarrhea for first time and what an experience that was – I have never before had anyone vomit in my face!
I have also been feeling incredibly exhausted and scatterbrained so having to keep my girl home, keep up with all the nappy changing, cleaning vomit up all the time, washing all the clothing, working and feeling so drained was a strain. Then as soon as my daughter recovered from that she got croup and I had to keep her home again for another few days and nebulise her every hour. Then my husband also got sick. And as all moms probably know a sick man is like having another sick child! Having to get up at 3am to administer a Strepsil to a grown man… well enough said.
In the midst of all this going on I started noticing physical changes… my boobs have doubled in size and are sore, I feel slightly nauseas if I don’t eat….. and I am EXHAUSTED. Can it be? But I have the copper IUD! And the reason I have the copper IUD is because my 18 month old daughter was a huge surprise and I was on the pill so I decided to try something else, something “safer”.
That is something I love about my husband, he was very firm on the subject when I fell pregnant the first time. This is no mistake, it is a surprise.
I bought a test and sure enough there were 2 lines! Suddenly everything made sense, the strange mistakes I was making with work…. I hope nobody noticed all the mistakes I posted on our facebook page. Did anyone notice when I posted which companies were sponsoring our baby competition? Well half of them were in fact not sponsoring, and I left out the correct sponsors. On the bright side some of them decided to also be sponsors so not all was lost! And I am sure the rest enjoyed the extra promotion *embarrassed face*.
It took me a day or two to get over the shock and surprise and realise that I am going to have another little angel soon. Once again I have had no time to mentally prepare myself, I had to go off my Seroquel immediately. Good-bye sleep, Hello insomnia! I must also try and manage my moods without any pills again, Bipolar here we come! One of the ladies in the support group suggested I find out what sleeping pills are safe for pregnancy, and once again resentment creeps in – I am a recovering alcoholic and addict so I cannot take anything. I must just try my best to get through the next 7 months of pregnancy without pills and then hopefully a bit longer so I can breastfeed.
I have been so caught up now in thoughts of how I will manage with 2 children, I can barely cope with the one I have. How will I cope with work, with breastfeeding, with lack of sleep, with taking time off from my business to give birth and recover? How will my daughter adapt to being a big sister and not being the “star of the show” anymore?
I remember with dread how I hit over 90kgs in my last pregnancy and how I still looked ready to give birth after leaving the hospital with my girl. It was only in the last few months that I managed to lose the last of my pregnancy weight and started to feel a bit better about my body, now I will start all over again.
I keep thinking of the third trimester –the pelvic pain, the backache, the reflux, the heartburn and vomiting, the peeing in my pants…. the exhaustion. Then I think of the 42 hours posterior labour I went through and the emergency c-section. The fact I can’t have morphine in my drip or myprodol for the pain like everyone else. I’m an addict – I get panado! Then I think of the cracked, bleeding nipples and breastfeeding.
And then I remember the moment I first set eyes on my daughter and it brings tears to my eyes! I wonder whether I am having a girl or a boy, what will he/ she look like and what sort of personality will this little angel have? I can’t wait to meet my angel and find out who this little person is. I can’t wait for my belly to start growing and to feel that first kick.