Kaboutjie SA Mommy Blogs by Lynne Huysamen
Nobody said being a mom was easy but sometimes I wonder if choosing to be a stay at home mommy would have been better for me, for my children and for my husband instead of insisting on continuing to work. The thing is that my work is so important to me. I want to be independent and I really enjoy the satisfaction of working.
Very often I get thoughts about things I could have done differently and wonder about the consequences of certain decisions I have made.
Here are my TOP 6 Mom Struggles:
Patience
This has to be hands down my biggest struggle. Very often I have not had enough sleep, I am always multitasking and juggling things and I am always in a rush. When my kids don’t listen and I have to keep repeating myself I find it hard not to shout at them and lose my cool. Being patient with my kids is not easy for me.
It’s not only my kids that get the brunt of my short fuse, it is my husband too. I like things being done my way and quickly. If I ask my husband to do something for me it is usually because I can’t get to it immediately and I want it done immediately. I remember one occasion when I asked my husband to help my son wipe his bum because I was busy cooking dinner. Off he goes and shouts back to me to please bring some toilet paper which defeats the entire purpose of me asking him to do it. It would have just been quicker to do it myself. This sort of thing does my nut in and I usually fail dismally in the patience department.
Balance
I’m not even sure what balance means to me anymore. I used to understand and I used to strive towards it but now I think I have lost the plot completely. It feels like everything is always a rush. I usually rush from one thing to the next without being able to catch my breath.
I understand that I need to focus on certain aspects of my life in equal proportions but it just doesn’t feel like I am able to. I get to everything I can as soon as I am able to do and there is always a deadline for something looming… an order I must complete for work, books to be wrapped for school, supper that must be on the table, the winter school uniform that needs to be ready by 02 May (that I haven’t organized yet) or money for some school event that needs to be handed in.
Playing With My Children
I want to play with my children. I want to draw with them, color in and play games. The problem is that I always have something to do and while there are plenty of times I do let things slide so I can find the time to play with them the vision I had and still want is just not possible. I wanted to be more of a fun mom, a mom that has the time to play and be lighthearted.
However I work from home and while my children are home with me in the afternoons I wish I had the time to play with them then instead of finding something that they can do to keep themselves busy with so I can finish up some urgent work that needs to be completed. I know I should be grateful that my kids are home with me instead of being in aftercare till 5pm like many children but this still irks me.
Me Time
Finding time for myself is close to impossible. Even if I have the time at the end of the day I often just want to curl up in a little ball and lick my wounds while I fall asleep. It is so amusing to me because I always thought I was a busy person – I’m talking before becoming a mom. Now I look back and I wonder what on earth I was doing to make me feel busy. I must have had all the time in the world and it was all for ME.
Me time isn’t even about doing something especially nice for myself, me time more consists of finding the time for some basic hygiene like washing my hair or shaving my legs.
Relationship
Once again yes my hubby gets the brunt of it. When at the end of the day I am absolutely done in, my husband comes home hoping for a little bit of conversation and attention but there is often nothing left of me to give. I often also have to work late at night because the kids are asleep and finally there is some peace and quiet so I can actually concentrate.
It is important for me to nurture my relationship and this is hard when there is so much to do and so little time and energy.
Mom Guilt
And all of the above issues add up to me having mom guilt. I know I shouldn’t have mom guilt because although I don’t do everything perfectly I am not a bad mom. I think I am still a really good mom and I doubt any mom manages to find anything close to perfect balance and harmony.
But as much as I tell myself I should not burden myself even more with guilt it is there and it feels like it is here to stay. I forget that I do the best job that I can with what I have and that is what is important – that I always do my best even if it is not perfect.
I can relate to all of these struggles. I also work from home and keeping my daughter busy while I am working sometimes just do not work out. I have found that I lose my patience when I am struggling with something mentally or when I have heaps of work to do and everybody else is getting on my case about it. There is always something that has to be done and I don’t think other people grasp just how much we have to get done on a daily basis. It is easy for them to talk. Today is one of those days where I got a comment of ‘I will do it myself if you will not do it” but they do not understand that there is 1001 things to be done and I cannot remember everything or get everything done when they wanted it done.
Finding time to just play with my daughter is difficult as there are constantly somebody else requiring attention right at that moment.
I have managed to just put time aside when she do takes a nap in the afternoon to do something for me. It has changed a lot how my day goes and also give me more patience and I am more relaxed since I have been doing that. My husband also watches our daughter when I have to do our weekly errands and shopping. That way I also get some me time
My husband and I am committed to spending our evenings together, even if our daughter is still awake, we do make time to chat and spend time together. We have a rule in our house that nobody answers their cellphones after 8 o’clock in the evening. That is our time together till we go to sleep. We just answer if one of our parents are calling, but that is it.
I find myself on a daily basis feeling guilty. I constantly compare myself to what my mom would have done in the same scenario and sometimes I do think that I am not her and not living in the same world as it was back then when she was raising me, but the quilt still comes back. I think that is just one of those things that comes with parenthood and will not go away ever.
I am not working from home, but I can relate to the same issues that you’ve mentioned.
Strange that your post arrived in my inbox today when I was feeling down and beating myself up.
I find it hard to create the perfect balance between home, work, paying with JD and keeping my husband happy.
I sometimes look at other Moms and it looks like they just have everything together and I wonder how they are able to do so.
I have to work because I like to be independent and pay for my own things. I do earn a bigger salary than my husband but he doesn’t have debt like I do. But without my debt, I wouldn’t have been able to provide for things when we went through difficult times.
I often feel like life is just one big rush from one day to the next.
I’m not a bad Mom, I know that. I’m the one that keeps everything together (like most Moms). I’m the one that knows where everything goes and I’m the one that stocks up on JD’s nappies and other essentials and I do the grocery lists etc.
I love my child to infinity and beyond and I tell him on a regular basis.
I feel sad sometimes because I don’t always have the time to give him attention or play with him when I get home from work because I have to prepare dinner and do my nightly chores. Before I know it, he is off to bed and I’ve only had a short while with him.
I think the biggest problem I’m facing is that I’m often misunderstood and that my family doesn’t understand that I also have my off days. When I try to put it in words it is difficult to explain.
It is small things that build up and then I feel down and sad and mostly unappreciated.
I have a lot of goals. I tell myself that I want to work harder on my relationship. I don’t want to snap back at my husband when he talks to me in a way that I don’t like. I tell myself that I want to be more patient with JD when he is naughty and not listening to me. I even feel bad because I’m not paying enough attention to my old doggy like I used to. But at the end of the day I am just human. I try my best to be the best version of myself.
At this point that is all that I can do.
I know that I have attributes that makes me worthwhile. I don’t give up easily and I am good at what I do. I don’t rely on other people to do my work for me. When I set my sight on a goal I will do it at the best of my ability. And most of all, I have respect for other people. I try to treat people the way I would like to be treated and I give anyone a fair chance. That must count for something.
I can relate so well to this article. I work from home, and I constantly feel overwhelmed at the moment. The guilt never seems to go away; I feel guilty working around my children, so I try to squeeze in the work during nap time or at night, but then I am exhausted and not always the mom I want to be, so I feel guilty again …. I just don’t know how WAHMs manage to juggle all the balls while also getting a decent night’s sleep, nurturing their relationship with their husbands, and keeping fit! I have various different lists of things I want to accomplish – better health, more rest etc… but each list seems to multiply into new lists until I stop looking at the lists because they are just too overwhelming!
With being a mom you will just never win hey. When my baby was born early I decided to stay home. Yes it has been the best decision for my family. Both my kids are happy and healthy and my preemie is thriving. I am able to be at every doctor’s appointment, it session, speech therapy session without feeling guilty about having to take time off for the 4th time this month. But with being a SAHM everything literally becomes about home and the kids. There is zero time for self.