Kaboutjie SA Mommy Blogs by Lynne Huysamen
It’s been 2+ years since my miscarriage and I finally feel like the time is right to do something to memorialize my loss. I can feel the strong urge to do this and get closure for myself.
The thing that brought this on, and perhaps the thing that I have been waiting for, is that my children now know that I lost a baby. We felt it was not the right time to tell them when it happened. It was a combination of feeling like they were too young, plus I had to go into hospital for a few days and we didn’t want our kids to worry and be upset by what had happened.
Perhaps I also needed to focus on getting through everything without having to worry about how my kids would cope with that knowledge.
I’ve often wondered when I should tell my kids about the miscarriage and how, sometimes I wondered whether I should. What is the point in upsetting them after all this time?
Things have a way of working out and the matter was taken out of my hands. A few days after the 2nd anniversary of my miscarriage I went live with Vicky Scheepers to talk about miscarriage (including ideas for miscarriage memorials) and that brought up a lot for me.
The next day I was driving my kids home from an outing and they started arguing in the back of the car about getting a baby brother or sister. My daughter wanted a sister and my son wanted a brother. The fight was on.
Emotion overtook me at this tender time and I broke down in tears. Not nice lady tears but huge, scary tears with sobbing, wailing and gnashing of teeth. I pulled the car over to the side of the road. My children got upset and asked me what they had done wrong to upset me, they were distraught and thought it was their fault.
It broke my heart that they thought it was something they had done wrong.
I told them they had done nothing wrong at all and I told them not to worry. They insisted that I must explain why I was crying. It was either lie through my teeth or it was time. I told them about it and they said they were glad I had told them and they were sad.
When we got home self-doubt crept over me wondering if I had done the right thing or not. Then my daughter came to talk to me. She asked me if that was the reason I had been crying during the week too. So much for being able to hide my emotions and keep things going while I was struggling. I said yes it was the reason why and she said she is glad that she knows that now.
I wrote a blog post last year about how I was still grieving and I felt like I was grieving alone. That it was my loss. Yet it is not my loss only, it is the loss of our whole family, including my children.
There have been so many days when I struggled with my loss and I kept it in, but I was thinking about it every day in silence.
The day after I told my children we were all in the car and out of the blue my 6 year old son tells me he is so sad the baby died. Then my daughter jumped in and said she was also said and they started discussing the baby and asking me questions.
For the first time I have not felt alone in my loss. For the first time I feel like something in me has shifted and that I am beginning the process of healing after all the grieving.
It was then that I realized I am now finally ready to let go. Maybe subconsciously I was waiting for the time when we can have a miscarriage memorial as a family?
I have finally made a decision for what I want to do. I want my children to help me choose a name for our lost baby. Then I want to plant a memorial tree for my baby at Platbos.
While trying to decide what I wanted to do for my memorial I researched some ideas, so if you are struggling with your loss and you are looking for a way to memorialize your baby here are some lovely miscarriage memorial ideas.
***Disclosure -The links in this post may contain affiliate links and I may receive a small commission if you make a purchase after clicking on a link.***
5 Miscarriage Memorial Ideas
Name Your Baby
Some parents find it helps them to grieve when they give their baby a name, however other parents may find it makes the loss more real or perhaps it just feels strange.
For me personally the thought of naming my baby makes me feel better. I lost my baby very early during pregnancy so I am busy looking at gender neutral names.
Memorial Tree
I love the idea of a memorial tree, which is why this is the way that I am going to memorialize my baby.
At first I was not sure where to plant my tree since we live in a rental home and even though my parents have a farm you never know if that will be sold and someone would cut down my tree. I also want it in a place where I can visit it whenever I want.
I did some searching online and came across Platbos Forest – I can get a memorial tree planted there and they offer accommodation so I can stay there at any time and visit the forest.
Miscarriage Jewellery
Memorial jewellery is such an amazing idea and something that really appeals to me – especially if you have ashes. There are some fantastic companies that offer this service such as Precious Mammaries that makes beautiful breast milk jewellery as well as cremation ash memorial jewellery.
You can also get some beautiful necklaces that are engraved, some offer personalization so you can add your baby’s name.
Miscarriage Tattoo
A tattoo is a very popular miscarriage memorial idea and there are some stunning designs. I wanted to get one showing 2 big birds (me and hubby) and 2 little birds (my two children) sitting on a branch with a tiny bird flying away. In fact I had already booked an appointment for earlier this year to coincide with the 2nd anniversary of my miscarriage but I changed my mind as it still didn’t feel right to me.
If you love tattoos this may be the way for you. This design shown below is similar to what I wanted done.
Angel Statue or Plaque
Getting an angel statue or a plaque is another fantastic idea. If you choose a memorial tree you can always add a statue to it or a plaque making it special and unique.
Alternatively you can display the statue or plaque in your home.
Hearts Release Ceremony for Infant Loss
Vicky Scheepers that joined me in my previous Facebook live on miscarriage is going to be doing a hearts release ceremony in October for infant loss awareness month.
You can send her your baby’s name and she will write in on biodegradable paper and release it into the wind with forget me not seeds. I’m going to be joining her in person for this event – if you are in the West Coast area then keep an eye out. I will share more information about this closer to the time.
Do you have any miscarriage memorial ideas you would like to add?
