One of the things I do when my daughter is sleeping and I’m not writing is visiting Yahoo Answers as I’m always interested in what some people ask and how others answer their questions. I find it entertaining mostly but I do find some questions that are unreasonable and ones that can’t easily be decided simply by getting opinions from a crowd.
The example questions are: “do you think I should get pregnant? I want to continue my study and my husband is the only one who would be working. But we recently discussed about it and we both are wanting to become parents. Do you think it’s a right time for us to have baby? Do you think we will be able to be good parents?”
I personally believe that finding the answers of what, how, where, and when to become a parent should be done within ones self. Opinions from the crowd can be helpful but asking questions about the entire matter without really knowing what you think personally is a waste of time. And it makes no sense to go and ask people who have no idea who you are, no idea of how your personality is like, and therefore is impossible to judge whether you can be a good parent.
When deciding to become a parent, one must remember that there are questions that are impossible to answer until the parenthood stage starts. Knowing if we are going to be a good parent is not as simple as making friends with other people’s babies, or how well we entertain and stop our young nephew from crying.
So before you take the big steps (imagine yourself climbing a steep steps non stop for eighteen years) here are questions you should be asking and answering yourself:
1. Can you commit?
This is not a year or two period of commitment but a lifetime. And this is not just about committing yourself to the child but also to your spouse. Every child deserves and it is their number one right to have both parents guiding, helping, and loving them until they finally pursue their lives and dreams on their own just like their parents did!
2. Can you give up your time?
Can you give up that partying, night out life, alcohol, and window shopping with your friends to bath your baby, clean his poo, change his diapers, feed him, walk him around, put him into sleep, show him all kinds of objects to entertain him when he is bored, take him to the clinic, and so on until they are able to do it on their own?
3. Will you be able to provide all the basics?
Are you able to provide a comfortable and very clean home (it doesn’t need to be big and luxurious), enough food, education, and can wash his clothing with hand or using washer and dryer? Sure, some people can provide even more than their child’s needs. How about you?
4. Will you ever regret it?
Your life will suddenly change into a life where you can hardly do things for yourself. Sometimes you have to struggle for time just for going to the washroom, far from having enough time to spruce yourself just the way you used to think it makes you more beautiful.
There will be countless time when you just want to give up and die. You will cry a lot because sometimes it is the only way for you to get over your frustration as there is no way of turning back. Sometimes your baby will make the time impossible for you when you try so hard to do something more for yourself leaving your baby to get overtired and become inconsolable after.
Oh yes, there is no way to know that until you really go through it but will you ever regret it? Will you look back to your past and wish you never jumped into the decision of making babies? Do you think you will regret it when that moment comes and hits you? Think anyway.
5. Will you leave or control your bad habits?
If you are the inconsiderate smoker who happily smokes and flicks your cigarette next to an other’s baby in public then surely you are not going to treat your own baby any better. Or would you? Ask yourself if you can afford to provide a clean and fresh environment to your baby. Health is a baby’s right too, they need it to grow up healthily and parents should never be the first people to destroy their health.
6. Can you be their teacher?
Will you be able to spend time to teach them about life, friendship, future, relationship, and SEX? Will you be able to teach them to become someone who is kind, polite, considerate, strong, fair, and respected? Or will you hire a tutor? Or will you wait until they go to school to learn all those things? Sure teachers have their own children too, how much more will they bother about your child’s personality and personal life? They teach certain subjects, not the entire meaning of life.
7. Will you depend more than you should on your house maid?
Maybe you will be able to afford a house maid to help you with house chores and to handle your baby when you want her to, and maybe not when you need her to. But how much and how far will you depend on her? If you are going to depend on your house maid until sleeping time in the night then you may as well give your husband and your baby to her! Okay that’s a joke, but honestly would you want to be one of those women who lost their husband and child (because the child learnt that the maid is the one who provide things they need – not the real mother) to their maid?
8. Will you be able to provide safety to your child?
To provide safety does not mean physically only but also emotionally, so how much do you think you can provide to your child? Will they become a victim when you have a fight with your spouse? Will they be a victim of your impatience? Will they be a bad reason to your unproductive days?
9. Can you let them go?
And one day they will grow up and become an adult to finally claim their right to pursue their life on their own with someone you barely know. Will you let them have it the way they want? or will you accuse them for neglecting your feelings and claim that your happiness is not considered?
10. And will you be able to always be a step behind them without interfering?
Maybe one day you will feel unimportant after all the things you have done for your child. After all the time you gave up to provide, to love, and to care, your big child still claims a separation (separate houses) and specifically wanting to live on his own. Will you be always ready and open for your child anyway? He will occasionally fall, fail, get frustrated, and even cry, and you will be the first one for him to approach and get a hug from. So will you stop sulking and stay anyway?
Only after asking yourself and answering all those question above then you can ask if you can be a good parent. But you know what, it will take many long years until you finally get the truest answer of that question. You will know it when you see your child smiling and being satisfied with the beginning of his own future. Me being a parent myself, that is the success of its kind that I will want to achieve and to accomplish in my life.
You should never become a parent yourself just because others tell you it’s fun, it’s rewarding, it’s a wonderful experience, and it’s a gift from God. Everyone has different opinions about parenting so think of yours before taking other’s opinions and reviews as the factors of your decision making. And the most important is that you should only become a parent because of your pure will regardless of what other’s opinions are towards parenthood life. Because parenting is a huge responsibility and job without a monthly salary (just to be realistic here – because you do need money to feed yourself and your child) and once you become a parent, life is not only about you anymore but it’s a life of another young human too.
About The Author
Amilia Anderson is the author of 10exposed.com, she was born and raised in the Tacoma, Washington. She’s an expert in content creation, creative writing, content marketing and lead generation.