Nobody said being a mom was easy but sometimes I wonder if choosing to be a stay at home mommy would have been better for me, for my children and for my husband instead of insisting on continuing to work. The thing is that my work is so important to me. I want to be independent and I really enjoy the satisfaction of working.
Very often I get thoughts about things I could have done differently and wonder about the consequences of certain decisions I have made.
Here are my TOP 6 Mom Struggles:
This has to be hands down my biggest struggle. Very often I have not had enough sleep, I am always multitasking and juggling things and I am always in a rush. When my kids don’t listen and I have to keep repeating myself I find it hard not to shout at them and lose my cool. Being patient with my kids is not easy for me.
It’s not only my kids that get the brunt of my short fuse, it is my husband too. I like things being done my way and quickly. If I ask my husband to do something for me it is usually because I can’t get to it immediately and I want it done immediately. I remember one occasion when I asked my husband to help my son wipe his bum because I was busy cooking dinner. Off he goes and shouts back to me to please bring some toilet paper which defeats the entire purpose of me asking him to do it. It would have just been quicker to do it myself. This sort of thing does my nut in and I usually fail dismally in the patience department.
I’m not even sure what balance means to me anymore. I used to understand and I used to strive towards it but now I think I have lost the plot completely. It feels like everything is always a rush. I usually rush from one thing to the next without being able to catch my breath.
I understand that I need to focus on certain aspects of my life in equal proportions but it just doesn’t feel like I am able to. I get to everything I can as soon as I am able to do and there is always a deadline for something looming… an order I must complete for work, books to be wrapped for school, supper that must be on the table, the winter school uniform that needs to be ready by 02 May (that I haven’t organized yet) or money for some school event that needs to be handed in.
Playing With My Children
I want to play with my children. I want to draw with them, color in and play games. The problem is that I always have something to do and while there are plenty of times I do let things slide so I can find the time to play with them the vision I had and still want is just not possible. I wanted to be more of a fun mom, a mom that has the time to play and be lighthearted.
However I work from home and while my children are home with me in the afternoons I wish I had the time to play with them then instead of finding something that they can do to keep themselves busy with so I can finish up some urgent work that needs to be completed. I know I should be grateful that my kids are home with me instead of being in aftercare till 5pm like many children but this still irks me.
Finding time for myself is close to impossible. Even if I have the time at the end of the day I often just want to curl up in a little ball and lick my wounds while I fall asleep. It is so amusing to me because I always thought I was a busy person – I’m talking before becoming a mom. Now I look back and I wonder what on earth I was doing to make me feel busy. I must have had all the time in the world and it was all for ME.
Me time isn’t even about doing something especially nice for myself, me time more consists of finding the time for some basic hygiene like washing my hair or shaving my legs.
Once again yes my hubby gets the brunt of it. When at the end of the day I am absolutely done in, my husband comes home hoping for a little bit of conversation and attention but there is often nothing left of me to give. I often also have to work late at night because the kids are asleep and finally there is some peace and quiet so I can actually concentrate.
It is important for me to nurture my relationship and this is hard when there is so much to do and so little time and energy.
And all of the above issues add up to me having mom guilt. I know I shouldn’t have mom guilt because although I don’t do everything perfectly I am not a bad mom. I think I am still a really good mom and I doubt any mom manages to find anything close to perfect balance and harmony.
But as much as I tell myself I should not burden myself even more with guilt it is there and it feels like it is here to stay. I forget that I do the best job that I can with what I have and that is what is important – that I always do my best even if it is not perfect.
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Also published on Medium.