The end of breastfeeding is near and it is like he can sense hubby and I have decided to wean him in a few days. The past few days my 1 year old son has been a baby obsessed. The kids and I have been at my parents farm without my hubby and my son has been literally attacking me. I cannot be in the same room with him without him crawling to me and scrambling onto me. The second he is on me he is clawing, scratching, biting, pecking me, headbutting, beating my boobs with his fists and ripping at my top!
It is not that he is just on the breast all the time. The boob must be out the top, just hanging there available for him or he screams at me. He latches and unlatches continuously, with his 6 teeth this is painful, very often laughing with glee in between each painful on, off session. He is biting and twisting his head and rolling over in what I now call the nipple twister. He is also practicing his standing with my boob in his mouth… up, down, up, down, up, down. He is generally quite a good sleeper, but he has been waking up every hour at night and won’t go back to sleep without a boob in his mouth.
As usual my mommy plans have gone out the window. My plan was to slowly but surely start offering a bottle at feeds before giving the breast and hope that he starts to take the bottle. I was not going to withhold breastfeeding but instead try and get him used to the idea of bottle. I discussed this with hubby and he totally disagreed with this plan, saying that he thinks I must continue breastfeeding on demand because our son will get used to being offered a bottle and if he doesn’t take it get the breast. Then when we wean him he will think if he refuses the bottle he will get the breast so he will be more distressed.
It does make sense but of course I still feel my way is better! We decided to do it hubby’s way because he feels very strongly about it and the truth is that I just don’t know which way will be better. How do you wean your baby off the breast? The fact is no matter what we do our son will be distressed and upset. I am not looking forward to that at all.
As it turns out it doesn’t matter what we agreed on, this boy has decided he is going to be on my breast all the time and there is not much I can do about it. Once again the baby wins the round!
My hubby has been my biggest breastfeeding supporter, encouraging me when things have been hard and helping me in any way he can. Now that I want to wean he is also supporting me 100% and willing to do whatever needs to be done to help me.
On Friday I will collect pills from my doctor to dry up my milk, apparently this takes about 2 days. I am going to move into my daughter’s room for about a week and hubby will sleep with our son until he is off the breast, my milk has dried up and he is on the bottle.
My feelings are very mixed. On the one side I am congratulating myself for a job well done – breastfeeding for a year is not easy! I am also so excited to finally have my body to myself and to have the freedom to eat in a restaurant without flashing a nipple, not be the only one getting up every single night to feed my son, the end of the nipple biting, twisting and general abuse. I am really looking forward to being able to have my son sit on my lap and not ferociously attacking my chest. Breastfeeding does not come naturally to me and I have struggled to make it this far.
The other side is that there is one thing I have enjoyed: it is clear to see how much my son loves breastfeeding. The cuddling and closeness, especially those early morning wake ups lying together in bed. The way he rubs his one hand up and down me in his half asleep state, it is such a loving, sweet moment. When he has a nasty fall or bumps his head and nothing consoles him, to put him on the breast immediately soothes him and within seconds he is calm and comforted.
It is the end of all those incredible moments, a closeness that only a mom breastfeeding her child knows.