How to be a more patient mother

5 Tips on How to Be a More Patient Mother

I got some feedback on the recent post I wrote sharing tips on how to discipline your child, focusing on positive parenting. One of the tips was to be more patient and on Facebook a whole bunch of moms commented about how that is the hardest part.

I totally agree with all of you. I am far from the most patient mother and the thing is that the more stressed out, tired and impatient I am the more my kids act out. I am sure that you have experienced the same thing.

My children’s moods seem tied in to mine. The happier and more relaxed I am the easier my kids are. When I am at the end of my patience and really need my kids to behave they just don’t.

My parenting journey is not a smooth journey. It is up and down and all around with curve balls coming at me when I least expect it.

One of the things that has helped me the most is to learn how to be more patient. When I start feeling stressed out and like I am losing it a little it is important for me to know how to balance myself out instead of trying to reel my kids in. If I can successfully balance myself then my kids follow suit.

How to be a more patient mother pin

Here are some things I have found really help me to be more patient.

1 Recognizing Triggers

What exactly is it that pushes me over into that crazy zone? When I can recognize these things I can see them coming and consciously tell myself not to get upset by it.

This is a big one, when I get up in the morning and tell myself not to get upset when my kids take their time getting ready I find it a lot easier to be patient with them.

I now have a long list of things that my children do every day that try my patience but now that I have my list and I know it is coming it doesn’t get to me as much.

Another important thing to think about is what is it about this behavior that upsets me so much and how much of it really has to do with my kids? Very often the things that upset me have very little to do with my children but to do with unresolved things in my own past.

This technique can be applied to anything in my life really. Most times I get upset it has very little to do with the actual incident that has happened and more to do with something else in my past.

2 Be Proactive and Positive

Once you have identified your triggers decide how you will act in the future when those things happen, in a more proactive and positive way.

A good example of this is that every morning for months I would have to beg my son to brush his teeth. When I finally got him into the bathroom to brush his teeth he would throw his toothbrush with toothpaste at me and mess on my clothes.

Then I would lose it, yes every morning. Like a disc stuck on repeat. We got stuck in a rut.

One morning I changed my tactic. The first thing I did was not get dressed until after we were all finished in the bathroom. When I got him into the bathroom I quietly told him if he threw his toothbrush I would take away his favorite toy for a day.

He threw his toothbrush at me dirtying my pj’s. I took away his favorite toy without a fuss and no shouting. Then I got dressed.

The fact that I didn’t have toothpaste streaks on my clean clothes made me start my day on a better note and gave me a sense of accomplishment that the morning had gone smoother than usual.

The next morning I gave him back his toy and told him to come and brush his teeth. He came and brushed his teeth without any fuss. We have not had another incident.

If something is not working change it, simple.

Make a plan and stick to it.

3 Don’t Sweat the Small Things

It is also essential to decide what is worth trying to change and what isn’t. There have been days that all I do all day is tell my kids not to do things and correct their behavior.

This can do my nut in. Rather decide on what is really important and what should just be left for another day.

It is not nice for you to hear your own voice moaning all day, and on that note it is not nice for your kids to hear you moaning all day.

You don’t have to correct all your kids behavior in one day and you can’t. That much is obvious already.

So work on one or two things at a time and consciously decide to let some things slide for a while.

4 Have More Fun With Your Kids

Kids need attention and the times that they are really pushing your patience is most likely when they are trying to get some attention.

playing with my kids building feather sand castleIf your patience is low and everything seems to be falling apart perhaps it is a good time to take a step back and just go have some fun with your kids.

So just stop what you are doing and do something fun with your kids.

This works like a charm. Yes whatever it is you were trying to do will have to wait but really, if you keep fighting to get it done you may achieve it…. but at what expense?

I had a day about 6 months back when I was trying to get supper cooked and I also was trying to get some work finished at the same time and my kids were fighting for my attention.

I felt like I was about to explode with irritation and I very nearly did.

Instead I looked at them and said “let’s go build a sand castle”. Their faces lit up with excitement, happiness and surprise.

I can tell you that just took all the pressure off immediately. I turned off the oven and we went to play in the sand.

We landed up eating sandwiches for supper instead of the healthy meal I was fighting to prepare, but we were a happy family again and really that is what is important isn’t it?

5 Look After Yourself

How much of yourself do you give to your family? And who looks after you?

Chances are high that like me, you give almost everything you have to looking after your family and there is just not much coming back.

You cannot keep just giving and not receiving anything back. It really is important to take some time out for yourself to do something you enjoy or to do something that relaxes you.

It is important to look after yourself so that you can in turn look after your family to the best of your ability. If nobody is filling up your reserves how can you really expect yourself to be a happy and patient mom?

Taking time out to pamper yourself every now and then is not being selfish, it is actually absolutely essential.

So if you have been daydreaming about having a full body massage but you never seem to have the time, make the time available just like you would somehow make time available to take your child to the doctor if you needed to.

Quite frankly you need it and you deserve it!

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  1. I really needed to read this! Thank you for this great article!

  2. This is very interesting but im greatful up untill now i surprize myself how patient i am its a great blessing…..but yes have more fun with your kids im one of those mommies play outside on grass entertain my little one and sit on floor help him reconise voices sounds colours his still small but there are reaction….

  3. Fatastic article to read. Thank you!

  4. Very good to read thank you

  5. Shared this post on facebook with my friends

  6. This is brilliant Lynne!!!

  7. So cool thanks

  8. Oh @lynne like i said im actually a very patient mom lets see now with led weaning omw im so excited and hope my patients is still tops LOL

  9. Thank you I am going to try hard not to let’s my son actions gets to me.and be more passion

  10. Shared on my fb page

  11. Reatlegile Leeuw

    i really need to go through this article, i read the first lines but seems so interesting

  12. I will try to be patient with this easy steps but it will take some time because am impatient with my son?

  13. Good to know, thank you, i must start trying.

    • Lynne Huysamen

      It takes some hard work to get patience, but I can see from the responses to this article that I am not alone!

  14. Admit that patientce is not one of my strong points. But it’s strange how much patience you can get once your child is born. I remember in the beginning how different things was by travelling and packing and get our child ready. I would always jump in the car and leave quickly for the shops, but now its waiting to get ready pack and then leave, its like i have gain patientce for some reason not that i was so bad being inpatient. I think this post was great stuff for dad’s thats inpatient yes mother’s can also be inpatient but i think its mostly us as dad’s. I might still not have alot of patientce example on the road with drivers but at home with my child and family i am a patient father. I always try to be patient and calm.

    • Lynne Huysamen

      Well @shane my husband still often just walks out the house and waits outside.. then after 20 minutes comes back in and asks whats the hold up? Hahaha. I could kill him! He is starting to learn now, since I give him instructions before he just walks out and I get him involved.

      But yes patience is not easy and having a child certainly teaches you how to be more patient. I have my moments but I am always trying.

  15. This was a confirmation post for me. I try to or rather, strive to these ideals. Thanks for a lovely post

    • Lynne Huysamen

      I’m glad you enjoyed it @karinvdw I believe all of us moms face the same struggles and patience is a biggie!

  16. Great article @Lynne and much needed in my life.

    I feel exactly the same. I have told myself recently to be more patient. I’ve given up on trying to address all the little issues and rather focus on the most important one’s.

    I still struggle with the temper tantrums and throwing objects flying past or at me, but I have to admit, the amount of times this happen has decreased. So, we are making progress, slowly but surely.

    I’ve recently made a point to quickly finish my cooking and other chores and then focus on JD for at least an hour or two every night before he goes to bed. I feel bad sometimes that he doesn’t see us all day and then when we get home, there are so many things that keeps us busy. Before I know it, he has gone to bed and I feel like a failure for not spending time with him. He needs attention especially since he grow up so rapidly.

    And I also make time on weekends to take him outside for a few hours so that he can play and have quality family time.

    • Yes the struggle is real isn’t it? I also find I don’t have nearly enough time in my day to get things done and it can be so frustrating especially when I feel that I have not managed to give my kids enough time and attention at the end of the day.

  17. This article is so for me!

    For 4 year it was just me and my husband and I use to have a lot of time for myself. Then my son was born in 2014 and it was the most rewarding experience to take care and nurture such a precious soul. I was patience and I took each day as it is.

    After a month back at work, I realize that I am a bit more agitated and not as patient as I was before. I spend 2 hours of my day in traffic and that started to get to me. Having to drop my son early, have a day at work and then when I get home, I need to attend to him and the household.

    I had to manage my time well and I focused on one thing at a time. Ok let’s move to 2017 when my daughter was born. The first few months I was so frustrated, irritated and angry at my son and I realize that all he wanted was a little bit of attention as well. I gave him attention, but not my full attention.

    I really had to look at my routine and the way I did things. The 5 points you mentioned I actually started to do and it really helped me to be more relaxed. I do get ups and downs especially when my friend in her RED Ferrari comes to visit. LOL

    I have learned to tell myself: Just let them be!

    Great article!

    • I am so glad that you found this article helpful @elena – I have found finding patience to be one of the most important things I need to do. It is not something I achieve every day, but something I am always working towards.

  18. Thank you for this inspiring article! I feel its important to stay calm for your child. You need to set an example for them although its sometimes difficult.

  19. I really needed to read this at this exact time. Trying to be more patient with my son and husband.

  20. PATIENCE..What a small word that can mean so much. Our children does not know about it, but it is something we learn from everyday. As I sit here my daughter of 10 months is sitting on my lap. trying to read and reply to this she is constantly banging the keyboard. Patience is key they say. So as they outgrow our lap amd time flies we would want this moments back. Thank you for this article. would share this with my fellow mom friends aswell.

    With saying, a tired mom is UNPATIENT MOM. get enough sleep (note to self???) haha !!!

  21. I have a two year old and a three year old, and they like to test a person patience to the brink. Lately I have noticed a behaviour change in both of them, and decided to start being more patient. A child just wants a little bit of attention and for the adults to listen. It is very important to listen to your children. We now have a strict schedule, with no tv time or phone time. Just kids time. Being patient can give you a sense of calm and understanding. And can ensure improved behaviour in children. Thank you for the article.

  22. Genevieve Stander

    Oh I think I’m the poster-mom for impatience! I don’t mean to be, and it is something that I really do want to work on. Life has just thrown us some crazy curve balls lately, and but I know that I need to work on it. Thanks for the great article!

  23. Wow quiet fundermental , patience is such a virtual . with practice it comes more natural . Raising kids requires patience . I ll read this over and over .

  24. This article was really helpful and totally the truth.. especially number 4. I have tested this theory a few times and it works like a charm. As soon as my daughter does stuff that would normally tick me off, I know she is just trying to grab my attention. The few times that I have distracted her with doing something fun, she immediately stopped with her bad behavior and enjoyed our activity so much! This usually makes me feel like a terrible mommy, because she deserves to get all the attention, but unfortunately we also need to eat, clean and sleep etc.. Life happens sometimes and we tend to forget what really is important..

  25. Wow. I never thought of point 1. Always figured I was getting angry as a parent because it was normal. Thank you again for an insightful read. I had to share it with family and friends on Facebook. Please can you add a whatsapp sharing icon as well?

    Thanks again

  26. Great article! I need to read this daily!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 I especially love the point about having more fun with your kids. Sometimes when I am the most annoyed, I see that all they want to do is have fun, so I get down on their level and just get silly. Snaps me out of my mood and their little faces just BEAM with happiness! All they want is love and attention, they do not know the MILLIONS of things going on in our brains and how we are always multitasking to get things done! #momlife 🙂

    • That is so true. Sometimes I will be so tired and my son wants to play hide and seek or some other game. When I agree I can see how his whole face just lights up. Priceless.

  27. Love the article thank you. My downfall is perfectionism and having three young boys (8, 6 and 2 years) I have learnt to let things slide, I grind my teeth and tell myself with a deep breath let it go (thank you frozen for the song). By doing this there is less fighting and more co-operation. Thank you for the eye opener.

  28. Thank you for such an interesting read, every mother can relate to this article.

  29. Thank you for your article and for the reminder..Being patient was never my strong point! I used to wake up in the morning thinking that if i have a stern face the kids will listen to me and we will get things done, but all it does is, it upsets the whole household. I had a rude awakening the one day when my kids asked me..”mommy why are you so angry”. It really hit me to the core of my being. I wasn’t feeling angry inside, it was just a way for me to show the kids that they need to listen when i talk to them. It was really so heartbreaking to hear what they saw in me. I tend to be a stress ball in the morning because i want to have the house cleaned before i take the kids to school. But how is that humanly possible i ask myself now?. Nowadays i am so nonchalant. I do what i can. I prepare the night before and I wake up earlier and whatever doesn’t get done i just leave. If the kids talk to me I put down what I’m doing and i listen to them. I breathe, i smell the roses, i am present. No-one is perfect but we have to remember that they are small for a very short time in the lives. Soon they will grow up and we will look back an think… but why didn’t I take the time to be more patient? Sometimes we just need a little reminder of what is important and what can take the back seat. I’m sharing this article now. We all need a little reminder from time to time.

  30. I am 34 weeks pregnant and find that I extremely impatient with my toddler. It is like I currently have no control over my emotions. I am either losing it over something small or crying because he is just the cutest thing ever. I hope to restore me previously calm self after the birth.

  31. Betsie Labuschagne

    I can relate. Some days it just feels like I am out of patience. That still something I have to work on every day. I have found that I have to leave her doing her own thing while I am watching and make sure she doesn’t do something she is not supposed to. She is way calmer and more happy and mommy too. Sometimes we just have to trust our kids that they will behave and let them be. Makes a big difference.

  32. Thank you@lynne this article is like a life saver having kids of different ages and the bickering going on and you trying to be supermom calm and patience with kids is vital I love that part where the mom just dropped everything and said let’s go build sand castles makes everyone happy sometimes we need that funny enough my 3 year old has taught me to be patient calm and not so serious to relax more

  33. Melissa De Klerk

    Such a great read! good tips to stay patient when its dinner time, the house is a mess, hubby is about to be home, baby needs to be fed, bathed, and put in bed, bottles need to be prepared and and and.. then patient is the last thing you want to do or be.

  34. I have to admit the only thing that keeps me always impatience is stress. I always have something on my mind something that needs to be done and when my daughter asks to play I get so mad. It is hard but i fight through it.. I wont lie sometimes it shows but I try to fight it.

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