Angry Woman

5 Tips for Ditching The Mom Anger

Being a parent is not easy and while there are many moments that fill me with joy and happiness there are also many times when I lose my rag and feel overwhelming mom anger. Nobody ever warned me about this mom anger and how I would have moments filled with such rage. Or is that just me?

I remember many moments as a kid when my mom lost her cool so I guess it happens to the best of us. However I went through a long period of time where it felt like I was angry and irritated with my kids all the time. I don’t wan’t to be angry mom or an angry person.

I want to laugh and have fun with my kids. The last few months I have spent a considerable amount of time working on this and trying to figure out where it comes from and how to be a happier and calmer mother.

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5 Tips For Ditching The Mom Anger

Where Does Mom Anger Come From?

I’m sure that for each mom the anger has a slightly different source but the general reason will be the same. We are constantly on the go, we are looking after everyone else and not enough after ourselves, chances are high that nobody looks after us, we feel under appreciated, we are juggling many balls at once (and sometimes these drop all on the same day), we are tired of saying the same thing to our kids over and over (and over and over and over) again without them listening to us.

It is an accumulation of many things. Moms are usually the glue that holds the family and the household together but there is often no glue to hold us together. The result being sometimes (often?) our anger builds up and when the pressure gets too much we explode.

It’s only natural right? So don’t beat yourself up about it, but try to do something about it.

I certainly don’t want to be angry. It’s not good for and it is not good for my kids or husband either.

Read Also – 8 Steps To Stop Being A Shouting Mom

How To Ditch The Mom Anger

Knowing where the anger comes from is a good start, but that won’t change things – you need to have a game plan to make sure that your mom anger stays at bay.

Here are some steps to take to get rid of your mom anger.

  1. It Is A Mindset

Every change starts with a decision to change. It may sound a bit wishy washy but it is a fact that if you make a decision to be happier and not to be angry it can really make a massive impact on your mental health.

I made a decision not to be an angry mom and whenever I feel the anger bubbling up I remind myself not to let it take control of me and to focus on the next steps that I need to take to ensure that I am a happy mom.

  1. Don’t Take It Personally

It is so easy for me to get upset and angry when my kids don’t listen and when they act like kids. Yes there you have it… kids are going to act like kids. Get over it and try to let them be.

Yes you will need to discipline them and be consistent with your parenting but to get angry and upset all the time is simply going to drive you batty. Once you accept the fact that they are going to be naughty, they are going to be cheeky and they are going to break the rules it is easier to deal with them in a calm, cool and collected way – you know like adults do.

Reading In Bed

  1. Get Some Rest and Recharge

While the two tips above are a great starting point they are not going to be enough on their own. If your life is anything like mine then you need time to rest and get your batteries recharged every day.

I’m a work from home mom so things can get pretty crazy around here. I work like a mad woman in the morning while my kids are in school, bring them home for lunch and then we tackle homework and anything else that needs to be sorted out for school the next day. Then before I know it the click strikes 5pm and I need to start getting dinner ready.

After dinner the kids bath and go to bed and I get in a few more hours of work. I also do all the cleaning, shopping, laundry and errands.

It feels like there is never a moment for me to catch my breathe. I had to change this. I now don’t eat lunch with my kids anymore – I eat my lunch alone in my room while watching one episode of whatever series I am busy with or I read my book for half an hour.

I do miss sitting with my kids at lunch time but that little bit of time gives me a chance to rest and regroup every day. Plus my kids have learned that is my time that they must not disturb. It’s important for them to learn that they need to let me rest.

I’ve found my little bit of time every day to rest and you need to do the same. Look at your schedule every day and make a time for yourself to rest. If you have a baby you can maybe take your baby’s first nap during the day as your rest time rather than racing around trying to do the dishes and other chores. Trust me on this – it will help your sanity.

  1. Don’t Lose Sight Of Yourself As A Person

It is so easy to lose sight of your own identity as a person and just become “mom” – she who does mom duties all day and has no other personality or life.

Take up your old hobbies and interests if you have let them fall away after becoming a mom. Go out for coffee with your friends and let your hair down a bit.

Once again it is about making the time for yourself and the things that you love doing.

Get A Back Massage

  1. Make Self Care A Priority

I have come to realize that self care is not a luxury – it is a need and I have a right to look after myself. I used to think there was not enough time to look after myself but the truth is that I had to learn to make time and to put myself first.

Looking after myself is essential – if I don’t look after myself how can I expect myself to look after my children and run my household? If I put the time and effort into self  care I will then have the energy and healthy mindset that will enable me to do the best for my family.

Running myself into the ground is not going to do anyone any favours.

It’s also important to remember that your kids will look to you as a role model and we want our kids to grow up loving themselves and looking after themselves.

So wash your hair, shave your legs, have a nice soak in the bath tub and don’t forget to go for that massage regularly – you deserve it mommy!

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  1. I definitely suffer from mom anger. With a seven year old and 3 month old (both girls) things can get hectic. My eldest is getting the raw end of the deal at the moment vying for my attention and me being busy with baby. I can see she misses me and can get all up in my face to get my attention. It frustrates me sometimes and I flip my lid with her over various things. Like why she can’t do certain things herself. I feel very guilty afterwards. I have learnt that I cannot expect a child who had all of me for seven years to suddenly be grown up and do things for herself. My own fault I know, I am also guilty of spoiling her. Now instead of getting angry I explain to her calmly that mom is busy with baby so I cnt do all the things we used to. She is a poor and fussy eater and that drives me up the wall as well. But as long as she is eating and is healthy I shouldnt be upset. She is a sensitive child as well so me getting upset has an adverse effect. I have decided to choose my battles and remain calm for all our sakes.

  2. I’m also suffering of mom anger my kids just drive me crazy sumtimes but will definitely take up on this tips thanks for sharing

    • Taking care of yourself is not being selfish,being a wife ,mom and mother is Not easy.Moms need downtime too.Love reading your posts,and I realised it’s all about priorities and having a positive mindset and outlook.

  3. Rest and recharge is definitely key!!!!!

  4. I definitely suffers from mom anger as it comes from my anxiety then I’m just mad all the time but reading this now will definitely help me. Especially when setting the mindset right

    • Lynne Huysamen

      Oh it is so hard Shireen and the end result of all that mom anger is that mommy feels even worse, which creates an awful cycle.

  5. Claudine van Blerk

    I have been battling with this constantly… I’ve been screaming and going mad especially at my older boy. This will stop now after reading this article. Thank you so much❤️

  6. Self care and getting enough rest is very important and the best way to deal with mom anger.

  7. It feels so good knowing I’m not the only mom who goes through these phases of being constantly annoyed and on the edge. What I got from this article ultimately is that moms have their won identity outside of being moms and it’s okay to take personal time out from all the stresses and triggers.

  8. I needed to see this today. Thank you so much for sharing! Sometimes we need to hear that we are not alone.❤??

    • Nicole you are not alone! I had loads of mom anger a few years back and it has been quite the process changing it. I have come a long way but not quite gotten rid of it completely.

  9. I am an overthinker, so that plus my anger is almost unbearable to a point where I don’t know how to be myself and not just a mom. I used to think I was the only one going through this and at some point I would feel it build up I would get so frustrated because I too don’t know how to handle. So I would just sit and wallow in it until I calmed down. This is really helpful Lynne. And it will make me ease up and be open about it.

    • I can really relate Kamo, some days it feels like I’m just a mom and not a person with needs and dreams of my own!

  10. Terri-lee Falken

    Wow this blog post really speaks to me I literally thought there is something wrong with me filled with so much anger and with having a lockdown corona baby I think has made it worst I have made it point this year to make more time for myself without feeling guilty and also doing things I enjoy and still going for my goals. Just cause you a mom doesn’t mean you give up on yourself and your goals and dreams.

    • Oh I feel you Terri-lee, I have also really struggled with mom anger! It has gotten better but lockdown was incredibly trying for me too. I can only imagine how hard it has been for moms with lockdown babies!

  11. Thank you so much for a much needed article. At times it can be difficult but staying calm is so important

    • Lynne Huysamen

      It is absolutely essential, I have to say that it gets easier as the kids get older. Looking back I can see how truly hard it was and how much I struggled with anger. This mom business is tough.

  12. I suffer from mom anger and from what im reading it seems to be because Im Exhausted!! I dont ever have time for myself and I need to make time.

    • I have been there Naomi and it is not easy. When I look back and remember how much anger and resentment I felt, it scares me. I am so glad I managed to work through it. And yes taking time for yourself is absolutely essential to good mental health. Good luck!

  13. Thank you I needed this

  14. I always choose not to take it personally.

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