Divorce and the children – make it as peaceful as possible.

Divorce is always sad no matter how you look at it but when there are children involved it becomes even more heart wrenching.

Even when a divorce is as smooth as possible it is going to be a bumpy road, for the parents and for the children. Remember that when you are feeling upset or emotional it does affect your kids.

I have seen this countless times myself with my children and I haven’t gone through anything as painful as a divorce.So my heart goes out to all parents and children that go through this.

I have no personal experience here, so I cannot share anything from my experience, except to say that it is clear that both parties need to try and ensure that everything runs as peacefully as possible for the sake of the children. Try and keep their welfare at the front of your mind in all your dealings with your ex.

I know that a lot of married couples stay together “for the sake of the children” but then fight and have a strained relationship at home. While I do believe that a lot of things can be worked out and that if you put your mind to making something work miracles can happen.

However back on planet earth making things work means both parties coming to the party and making an effort, In addition to this it is really important that if you make it work both parties should find a place of happiness being together. If one or both partners are not happy then it hardly makes sense to stay together.

It doesn’t make sense for the unhappy parents or for the children that will have to live in an unhappy home.

So if you have tried to make things work, but things aren’t going according to plan it may just be best to consider getting a divorce. Now it is time to look at your divorce and the children.

Deal with your own emotions

It is important for you to deal with your own emotions so that you deal with the situation calmly and in a mature way.

So many parents split and the children get affected by the parents emotions. Yes of course you will be sad and feel a sense of loss, but if you are angry and acting out in anger this could have a very negative effect on your children.

It is also vitally important to make sure that you do not make your children suffer in any way in order to punish your ex. So with-holding visitation rights or not paying over money for the upkeep of your children ultimately leads to the children having to pay the price in the end.

It is a great idea for you to go for therapy and work through your emotions. Ultimately this will help you to be a better parent during this trying time.

Helping your children deal with their emotions

Not only will you need to deal with your own emotions but you will need to help your children with their emotions too! You must let them know that they are not the reason you are getting divorced.

You need to figure out how to talk to your children about their feelings and help them to express themselves, and you need to learn when to back off and leave them alone to figure things out for themselves.

The best might be to take your children to play therapy or to see a child psychologist to ensure that they are coping in a healthy way.

Learn to communicate with your spouse

Don’t think that because you are getting divorced you never need to communicate again! You have children together so you will be needing to communicate regularly until your youngest is at least 18 years old.

It is imperative that you put the bitterness and anger behind you so that you can learn how to be good co-parents.

Yes you will need to discuss how to split your assets but once that is done and dusted you will be dealing with parenting decisions on an ongoing basis.

Find a good lawyer

While it is important to get everything settled properly, it is important to settle your divorce as soon as possible so you can both move on with your lives. The sooner you are able to move on, the sooner you will be able to heal and create a stable home for your children.

Finding a good lawyer that is compassionate and professional is important.

Like previously mentioned, your divorce is about dividing up your assets fairly and legally but it is also about who pays maintenance, how much and when. It is also about coming to an agreement on the custody arrangement of your children.

Choosing a lawyer that has experience dealing with divorce when it involves children would be a wise move.

There are also firms that offer divorce in two steps as well as many different divorce forms online.

The sad truth now is that often when parents divorce it lands up with some parents not being interested in seeing their children very often and not taking a very active part in their lives. Very often a parent does want to be involved but gets blocked by the other parent out of anger and jealousy.

Some parents don’t pay maintenance, leaving a single parent struggling to pay for their child. I know how expensive children are. Everything costs a bomb now.

Remember that your child is your responsibility whether you live with your child or not, so please make sure that you not only support your child financially in the case of divorce but also play an active role in your child’s life.

Your child needs both parents, for emotional support, as a role model, as a provider and for love and care. You divorce a spouse, not a child!

What are your thoughts and experience on divorce and the children?