Really, it’s not that we are any more easily annoyed than anyone else, but if you’re a parent, you know there’s certain things that just drive you mad. Chances are you have wanted to bang your head against a wall whenever you’ve been confronted with the following:
Peeve #10: Booooooring Kid Books
Now don’t get me wrong, I strongly believe in reading to my children…every. single. night. But what is this nonsense of long, boring, yawn-inducing children’s books that for some reason kids want repeated ad nauseum? I truly don’t get it. It’s not like ALL kids books are like this. Some are actually clever and funny and even rhyme in a cutesy sorta way. But those that are not? Truly, who publishes that crap and why?
Peeve #9: Parenting Products that say *Some Assembly Required*
You know exactly what I’m talking about. You buy that crib, that play yard, those baby gates, that carseat, that baby swing, whatever…but of course, that’s the easy part! Then you’ve got to assemble them, adjust them, install them…with nothing but instructions in broken English that don’t match the pictures, a prayer, and a string of expletives to help you along the way. Really? Don’t manufacturers know that “ain’t nobody got time for that?”
Peeve #8: Sticky, Stinky Hands
Nothing is quite as sweet as my kiddo’s chubby little hands. But is anything quite as annoying as when said hands have held a popsicle, lollipop, or chocolate ice cream cone and while still covered in all the gooey, sticky mess, they grab my hand, my hair, my face, or my shirt? Arghhh! Wait, there is…and that’s when their hands have been in unmentionable places and are instead stinky. Please child, go wash NOW!
Peeve #7: Rude Comments/Questions from Strangers
As parents, we’ve all been there. How do perfect strangers not know when something crosses a privacy line? It truly is none of their business to discuss our reproductive choices, make snide remarks about our kids’ behaviour, quiz our kids on whatever random topic they think our kids should have already mastered, ask if they are “all yours,” or assume that your pregnant belly is public property. The audacity of some people is truly beyond comprehension.
Peeve #6: Food or Medicine in Bright, Obnoxious Colors
Yes, I know the kids love this. So much fun!!! But that does not mean, as a parent, that *I* have to! Even if you don’t have any health concerns about Red #40 or Blue #1, who in hell really wants it dripping down the front of Lucy’s brand-new white shirt? I swear, I have scrubbed more stains due to stupid food dye than I care to admit. Maybe it’s my fault for letting my kids have it in the first place, but seriously? I’m a sucker for puppy eyes. Bet you are, too!
Peeve #5: Chewed Gum & Boogers & Toothpaste Goobers
We’ve all got them…stuck under the table, smeared on the wall, strewed on the sink. That’s just par for the course in the parenting world. It’s still gross. And it’s one part of having little kids that I am just NOT going to miss!
Peeve #4: When people wake up the baby…
Are you freaking kidding me? I literally just told you two seconds ago…SHHHHHH, the baby’s sleeping! Oh, but NOOOO, your need to express yourself just HAD to trump that very important piece of information. Now I’m pissed and for very good reason. You just undid everything I worked so hard for this past hour. Crap.
Peeve #3: Toys with 3 Billion Pieces
Why? Because chances are that in about 33 minutes, half of them will be lost, that’s why. And not just lost, like regular lost, but like *under the fridge* kind of lost. Like we won’t find them again until we clean the whole damn house, which of course will have to happen at some point, because there are now 3 billion random toy pieces in the far reaches of my now trashed domain. No, I do not have to like that.
Peeve #2: Toys that sing, talk, beep, etc…
Oh hell no. This is what grandparents and aunts and uncles buy…any sane parent knows that these are not acceptable, right? Please, if you feel the need to purchase one of these horrid contraptions, please know that it will quickly be designated as the toy that stays at YOUR house, not mine.
Peeve #1: People without kids who give parenting advice
I know, it is so easy to think that you are such an expert because you’ve read so many parenting books and have observed a fair number of children in your wanderings. But until you have joined the ranks of parenthood, please do not attempt to tell me what a crappy job I’m doing or how you have the answer to my parenting frustrations. It just doesn’t work that way, and trust me, I’m not listening!
Melanie Pierce is mom to five energetic kids, including a sweet new baby. She enjoys homeschooling her children from a peaceful parenting perspective and traveling with her family whenever she can. Her hobbies include playing the guitar, gardening, and relaxing with a hot cup of coffee. She freelances in her spare time and loves to write about this crazy journey called parenthood. She also is an author at BabyGateExperts.com, a blog which helps parents unravel the mysteries of baby-gating.