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Why You Need Mom Friends When You Are A New Mom

Chances are that being a new mom means you are never alone, however you may find yourself feeling more lonely than you have ever felt in your entire life. If you already have friends that are moms you may be lucky and already have the most amazing mommy network there ready and waiting for you. This may not always be the case though and making mommy friends is such an important part of being a new mom.

I can only speak for myself when I say that I was not at all prepared for the loneliness I was about to face when I got married and moved to a new town with my new husband when I was 6 months pregnant with my first child. Moving away from the town I was born in and having to face this new chapter of family life did not seem particularly daunting before I moved, but I suddenly found that it was not so easy to meet people and make friends.

I felt like an outsider, throw in some PND and it was a recipe for disaster. One of the best things I did was join a baby group when my daughter was about 6 months old and I slowly started to meet other new moms. In fact the lady that ran the group was to become the first person I could call a friend in over 10 months. It was only when I made a friend that I realized how badly I needed to make mommy friends!

Here’s why you need to connect with other moms when you are a new mom:

Why You Need Mom Friends When You Are A New Mom

Only Moms Know

Only another mother can understand what it is that you are going through in those first few months of being a new mom. It is completely unchartered territory for you, you wonder if you are doing anything right. You are exhausted, covered in spewed up milk and badly in need of a shower, a sleep and some TLC.

It is so comforting to be in the presence of another bedraggled new mother – you suddenly don’t feel like such a failure.

Support and Guidance

Yes it is nice having your mother to ask advice from but it is even better to have your own group of friends that you can sit and discuss your difficulties, achievements and confusion with.

It is also awesome to be able to have a good laugh about all those things that new moms encounter – the gruesome labor and birth that you encountered, all those embarrassing internals, the different types of poops and how often your baby poops, feeds and sleeps.

Let’s face it, your childless friends don’t want to hear about that black sticky first poop do they?

Time Is Tight

You might want to meet up with your new mommy friends, but time is not always on anyone’s side. While you may all be cancelling left right and center with each other, or struggling to even agree on a date and time that is suitable for you both… you understand. Your children and your family come first.

This video just says it ALL. Those friends without kids may just get frustrated and annoyed with you!

Crazy Phone Calls

I heard someone say once that if you phone a mother while she is with her kids it is like talking to someone with Tourette Syndrome and this is so true. The thing is that as soon as my kids know I am on the phone they will start acting up.

So in the middle of a sentence I will have to shout things at my kids to keep them under control. If I am talking to a mom friend and suddenly shout out they don’t blink an eye.

Mom Friends Keep You Sane

I would love to catch up with my mom friends more… but yes it goes like the video above! However with technology the way it is now, we are able to keep up to date daily and share our ups and downs which keep us sane.

I now have a small but safe and beautiful circle of mom friends that I can always rely on to be there for me and that I am happy to support in return.  The days are long and tiring when you are a new mom trying to adjust to this new role and recover from your birth. Having friends to help and understand goes a long way.

Mom friends walking

How To Find Yourself Some Mom Friends

If you are about to become a new mom then I suggest that you start looking for some new moms and moms to be that you can get to know better.

If you are going to birthing classes try and find out which moms to be stay near you and see if you can connect over coffee. Search online for mom and baby activities in your area such as mom and baby groups that you can join when your baby is born. The two mornings a week that I went to mom and baby classes with my daughter were the highlights of my week for about a year. It meant getting out and spending time with other moms and babies. I would have gone bat crazy without it.

You can also check out your local calendar for family friendly events that you can go with your baby so you can get out of the house and hopefully also meet new moms.

Search for online mommy communities in your area, very often you can find playdates and connect with other moms from the comfort of your home!


Also published on Medium.

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9 comments

  1. I needed mom friends and still do even tho he is turning 3

  2. Mom friends are the best when you have toddlers, cause you can schedule play dates and always have that one person that can understand all your frustrations.
    My friend and I share everything about our boys, from their eating habits, crankiness to their poop all at one go and sometimes it does help to vent with somebody who will not take what you say the wrong way about 🙂

  3. Its good to have moms friends,because u can learn for eachother.Me and my husband niece we share everything.awhen she needs help with something she just phone me and ask me “what can i do in this case”.

  4. Yes, mom friends are hugely important, especially in the early days. I do think, though, that dad friends are just as important. A new dad is suddenly dealing with his normal work pressures on top of broken nights, extra chores and a wife who is suddenly a demanding, slightly deranged, hormonal mess (or maybe that was just me). He is expected to perform at work and then come home and pick up the pieces. Dad friends can empathise, advise and often make all the difference.

  5. It also helps to have a few grandma friends. This was the case with me. With my line of work I had a lot of older ladies as friends. They had children a long time ago and they have all that experience. Now they enjoy their grandchildren and they have all the tips they hear from their daughters. Usually they also have a calmness that other young moms do not always have. And they have the time to help out it you need them, because a lot of them are retired and looking for babies to cuddle.

  6. When i fell pregnant and had my baby i was very lonely because i had moved away from my parents and my siblings. We are altogether 5 sisters and one brother. So everyday i had at travel about 80 – 90 km’s just to see my family. I would pack in for the day and off we would go. It was very exhausting and time consuming. I never really relaxed and it became a bit too much for me. I wish i could turn back the clock and do it differently. I don’t regret seeing my family but it would’ve brought a lot more calmness and peace into my life if i had done it a little bit differently. Anyways, i eventually found a lovely mom’s and tots groups. I established a lot of good friendships. I’m still in contact with most of my friends. It was just such a relief to share your highs and lows with someone who was in the same situation as you. You can find these groups pretty much anywhere, like your church, clinics. library and even at various parks etc. You really don”t have to spend money to belong to these groups, that”s a huge lesson that i had to learn! Moms want to connect. You can even just try to google it and I’m sure you will find something. It”s not always easy to be alone and its good to off load on other moms before hubby comes home. He doesn’t always want to listen to the same complaints because he is also tired after a long day. So do yourself a favour and hook up with a moms and baby/tots class. It will do you and baby a lot of good!

  7. Most of my friends that I hang out with are NOT moms….this makes hanging out so frustrating when you have to hear things like agh its not that important that he naps at that specific time or leave with this one and that one so we can go here and there….agh!!!!I was lucky to recently make friends with a lady that has four kids ao now I hang out with her more than the others…not so lonely and irritated anymore lol

  8. Great article Lynne,

    It is so true! Only friends that are Mommy’s can connect with you on this level, because they’ve been there, done that and got the T-shirt.

    By the time I had JD, most of my friends were already Moms. I fell pregnant with JD when I was 38.

    I was amazed at how many of my friends reached out to me when I was pregnant and offered their help once the baby was there.
    But when I needed advice, I always confided in my best friend. She just knows me so well and would give me the honest truth.

    She has two kids and didn’t always have it easy. Even though she was still married when she was pregnant and the children were small, she didn’t have a lot of support from her then husband and I always thing of her as a single parent because of all the trials and tribulations she has faced alone.

    She is a very strong person and can handle any situation. She is fearless and stays calm in stressful situations, so she’s the very best person to have on your side.

    She was the only friend that visited me in Hospital after the delivery of my baby and she still visits me at home or we go on outings. It is great, because her kids are older and help to keep JD occupied and entertained.

    It really is wonderful to have Mommy friends. Since having a baby, my life revolves around nappies, formula, feeds, poops, sleep routines and basically just everything and anything to do with babies or toddlers.

    I laughed out loud about your comment about the phone calls. I’ve done this a lot of times and probably sounds like a crazy person most of the time.
    It is like kids have a sixth sense that tells them when you’re on the phone and needs distracting.

    It is not the same to talk to your husband about these things because I get the feeling that most of the things I say goes in at the one ear and out at the other. And men don’t experience things the same way that us women do.

    Mommy blogs are also a great way to connect with other Mommy’s and where you can ask questions. Most Mommy’s are supportive and will give you great advice from personal experience.

  9. Having mom friends is cool. But with me having had a pre-term baby my mom friends just didn’t get it. With our nearly 2 month hospital stay we made friends with other preemie moms, and it was great. But believe it or not as time as gone on and health issues have resolved it seems like those mommies no longer require my “friendship”. So I’ve found myself being quite lonely.

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