Chances are that being a new mom means you are never alone, however you may find yourself feeling more lonely than you have ever felt in your entire life. If you already have friends that are moms you may be lucky and already have the most amazing mommy network there ready and waiting for you. This may not always be the case though and making mommy friends is such an important part of being a new mom.
I can only speak for myself when I say that I was not at all prepared for the loneliness I was about to face when I got married and moved to a new town with my new husband when I was 6 months pregnant with my first child. Moving away from the town I was born in and having to face this new chapter of family life did not seem particularly daunting before I moved, but I suddenly found that it was not so easy to meet people and make friends.
I felt like an outsider, throw in some PND and it was a recipe for disaster. One of the best things I did was join a baby group when my daughter was about 6 months old and I slowly started to meet other new moms. In fact the lady that ran the group was to become the first person I could call a friend in over 10 months. It was only when I made a friend that I realized how badly I needed to make mommy friends!
Here’s why you need to connect with other moms when you are a new mom:
Only Moms Know
Only another mother can understand what it is that you are going through in those first few months of being a new mom. It is completely unchartered territory for you, you wonder if you are doing anything right. You are exhausted, covered in spewed up milk and badly in need of a shower, a sleep and some TLC.
It is so comforting to be in the presence of another bedraggled new mother – you suddenly don’t feel like such a failure.
Support and Guidance
Yes it is nice having your mother to ask advice from but it is even better to have your own group of friends that you can sit and discuss your difficulties, achievements and confusion with.
It is also awesome to be able to have a good laugh about all those things that new moms encounter – the gruesome labor and birth that you encountered, all those embarrassing internals, the different types of poops and how often your baby poops, feeds and sleeps.
Let’s face it, your childless friends don’t want to hear about that black sticky first poop do they?
Time Is Tight
You might want to meet up with your new mommy friends, but time is not always on anyone’s side. While you may all be cancelling left right and center with each other, or struggling to even agree on a date and time that is suitable for you both… you understand. Your children and your family come first.
This video just says it ALL. Those friends without kids may just get frustrated and annoyed with you!
Crazy Phone Calls
I heard someone say once that if you phone a mother while she is with her kids it is like talking to someone with Tourette Syndrome and this is so true. The thing is that as soon as my kids know I am on the phone they will start acting up.
So in the middle of a sentence I will have to shout things at my kids to keep them under control. If I am talking to a mom friend and suddenly shout out they don’t blink an eye.
Mom Friends Keep You Sane
I would love to catch up with my mom friends more… but yes it goes like the video above! However with technology the way it is now, we are able to keep up to date daily and share our ups and downs which keep us sane.
I now have a small but safe and beautiful circle of mom friends that I can always rely on to be there for me and that I am happy to support in return. The days are long and tiring when you are a new mom trying to adjust to this new role and recover from your birth. Having friends to help and understand goes a long way.
How To Find Yourself Some Mom Friends
If you are about to become a new mom then I suggest that you start looking for some new moms and moms to be that you can get to know better.
If you are going to birthing classes try and find out which moms to be stay near you and see if you can connect over coffee. Search online for mom and baby activities in your area such as mom and baby groups that you can join when your baby is born. The two mornings a week that I went to mom and baby classes with my daughter were the highlights of my week for about a year. It meant getting out and spending time with other moms and babies. I would have gone bat crazy without it.
You can also check out your local calendar for family friendly events that you can go with your baby so you can get out of the house and hopefully also meet new moms.
Search for online mommy communities in your area, very often you can find playdates and connect with other moms from the comfort of your home!
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Also published on Medium.