OMG that is not my vagina

OMG that is NOT my vagina!

Last year I was contacted by a marketing company, Skinstore was bringing out a new range called Mama Mio and they were looking for quotes from mommy bloggers about how their bodies survived pregnancy.

While I was really flattered and all I couldn’t help wondering why on earth they contacted me? Like what exactly is their definition of “survived”? Because while I am still breathing and my heart is ticking I fail to see how else my body survived pregnancy.

I did the best I could and instead of highlighting any of my bulging body parts I focused on being grateful for the amazing things my body has done by creating new life… and being accepting (read between the lines: resigned) to my new body after birth.

The truth is that when I first got the email I stared at it for a few minutes and then I started laughing thinking about some of the things I have heard moms say to me about their bodies after birth. I started giggling imagining sending them some of those one liners.




A couple of moms and myself were chatting outside the school one morning and the discussion turned first towards child birth, like it so often does, then to our bodies after birth.

One of the moms, quite a conservative one too, suddenly shouted out “Yes I know, I was so like OMG that is NOT my vagina”.

There were a few open mouths and a couple of stares before we all burst out laughing.

She said yes it may be funny, but it is sadly true. There is someone else’s vagina on her body and it is the strangest feeling.

We all want to maintain good vaginal health, and after birth it can look and feel like our body is not our own, yes the vagina too!

Now I am really grateful because although I may have had an awful first pregnancy, a really long and painful 42 hour labour followed by an emergency c-section… my whopping 4.12kg baby did not exit through my vagina changing it for life. If you’ve had natural birth check out this article on 12 tips to improve vaginal tightness.

Another really funny conversation, also about vaginas and child birth, was a close friend’s sister telling me that she tore during birth and when they stitched her up they did a botch job, leaving her with a permanently crooked smile as she puts it.

Now while thankfully my most intimate bits are in tact I can’t say the same for the rest of my body at all. I regularly catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and wonder what happened. It is like seeing someone else that is unfamiliar and strange to me, but my head is on that body!




I look back at my life and I can distinctly remember the day I became aware of my own body and started feeling insecure about myself. I would put something on and then think it is too skimpy and it showed my “fat” stomach.

I can’t believe how I felt so self conscious for so many years and only now that I am truly bumpy and lumpy can I appreciate the fact that I was worried over absolutely nothing.

If I could go back to those days knowing what I know now, oh my I would live in a bikini in summer without a care in the wold.

Anyway, I have been trying something out and I have managed to lose 3 cms from around my waist and a total of 2kgs in the last month, and bear in mind that was during the festive season with all those family dinners and eating out!

I will be monitoring how it goes for a while longer before I share the details with you mommies!

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14 comments

  1. The title of this made me laugh.
    so relatable…. the stretch marks are what got me — felt like a rubber band when it was all over. however, it’s okay because those marks remind me to look at my baby and by doing so, all negative perceptions fade because he was soooo worth it!

    • LOL Marta, I heard that woman say that about 2 years ago and honestly I have just been itching to use that as a blog title ever since…. and yay I have now done it 🙂

      I know exactly what you mean. In one way my body bothers me, but then my kids make it all so worth it that it doesn’t matter anymore.

  2. This title is hysterical !!!! Literally burst out laughing when I saw it in my open plan office haha
    My biggest issue with my body is obviously the crazy stretch marks, my honestly what gets to me is my “tummy pouch”. i had a c-section as my daughter was breech and was hearing nothing about turning the right way 🙁 now i find that where my scar meets my tummy it almost makes like an indent (i hope that makes sense lol) and i feel like i have a pouch LOL some days it bothers me tremendously but then on the other days my little one will ask to see my “zip where she came out” I giggle because i have no idea where she got that from. and in moments like that i am proud to bare the scar that so many other woman wish they could and sometimes cant.

    • Tamara I am happy to make you laugh. That is what this blogging journey is all about, having fun! That is so cute Tamara, kids have the strangest way of coming up with things like your “zip where she came out”. My daughter also comes up with the most amazing things.

      I also have a little pouch by my “zip”. I don’t think it will ever go away and I’m really not particularly worried about it.

      • I’ve also come to realise that my pouch is here to stay, some days i just handle it better than others LOL

        its true Lynne – they really do come up with the most amazing things – sometimes she leaves me with my jaw on the ground – i love it 🙂

  3. Frik that is funny ?
    I can so relate. After two beautiful long hard 14hr labours and natural births, I do feel like my body is not my own. The stretch marks have faded but still have what I affectionately call my ‘walrus flap’! I didn’t have a muscular physique before pregnancy but I had some amount of muscle in my lower abdomen…but after two kiddies it just feels like there is absolutely nothing even close to muscle in there anymore lol. Still I do look at myself in the mirror and am thankfull that I was able to earn my mamma ‘tiger stripes’ and grow two gorgeous healthy babies in there.

    • Debbie I am so glad I could amuse you, I do think that one of the beautiful thing about moms connecting with moms is that we can really relate and understand each other. Congrats on having natural birth, I really tried but after 42 hours of labour I decided that I was not really up for it anymore.

      Yes we have all earned our stripes haven’t we?

  4. Yes Lynne.
    I know someone whose stretch marks is the worst thing that ever happened to her.
    I told her that she is growing a human being in there and she must relax – it will go away with time and tissue oil.
    I have them..not too much but im not stressed out about it. I have a healthy baby and that was her “home” for 9 months!!!
    I never use to wear bikini’s so not planning on starting now so it doesnt bother me.

  5. Now seriously that subject line made me reread and i was ripped as it was funny
    However i aimed for natural birth with my son but after 32hrs of labour and only dialating to 7cm and no liquid I eventually had an ER csection with a healthy BIG boy 4.41kg

  6. So very funny but good to share thanks

  7. This was so funny i had a good laugh…but its the truth as its said…i cant talk with regarding viginal birth as i had a c-section adviced by the dr.

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