Grief In All Its Forms
Losing any member of the family is difficult, and a miscarriage is perhaps one of the most heart-breaking experiences a mother can face. Whether you’re facing the miscarriage alone or not, you may feel isolated and unsure of how to proceed. You may even wonder if trying for another child is wise, or if you even want to try at all. Like all passings, there are certain measures you can take to help the process move as smoothly as it can and help you find your feet once more. This article will cover a few methods you may consider to come terms with your miscarriage and move forward.
The first part of any grieving process is acknowledging what happened. While some may think that it is easier to mourn and move on from a miscarriage than a child who had been born, that isn’t true. The emotions are all the same, the loss is the same, and it is something that you need to accept and understand. Allow yourself the time and space to mourn. Like a mourning period for any other family member, take some time off of work and allow yourself to grieve.
- Talk To Others
For some, this may be difficult. Especially if their friends or confidantes have never experienced the same pain that you have. However, talking to your friends, engaging with others, can help you. True friends will want to do everything they can to help you through the process, and if you need some space, you just need to tell them and why. They’ll understand and be patient. It is especially helpful if you can surround yourself with women. Whether it’s girlfriends or female relatives, they can offer you genuine sympathy and empathy as mothers or potential mothers themselves. Take the opportunity to speak, cry, and accept their support.
- Speak With Your Partner
While you may feel the loss more keenly than your partner, that doesn’t mean that they’re not grieving either. Your relationship may be strained for a time, especially when it comes to sex, but a great deal of healing can be given simply by the two of you talking about what happened and supporting one another through the process. Be honest and consider reevaluating where each of you stands and what each of you wants. By being open with one another, and yes, vulnerable too, you can strengthen the bond between the two of you instead of allowing the strain to take its toll.
If your partner is uncomfortable with or has a difficulty in being vulnerable, then you may want to consider seeking outside counsel. There are professionals out there who specialize in miscarriages, and they can provide the guidance for both you and your partner in moving forward. They can also offer a safe place for the two of you to discuss your feelings and desires.
- Take Care Of Yourself
During the process of grieving, it’s especially easy to forget to take care of yourself. You may even feel like you deserve the punishment. It’s important to understand and accept that the miscarriage wasn’t your fault. Make sure that you eat well, get enough rest, take a shower or bath, and try to do something productive during the day. Even if it’s as simple as gardening or reading a book, you should give yourself some daily task to complete by the end of the day. You’re still alive, and you need to live as such. In time, the productivity, especially, will help restore a balance and purpose to your life.
- Memorialize Your Baby
Some women may choose to name their baby after this miscarriage. This is a sound method to keep the memory of your baby alive. You may also want to consider planting a tree in their memory. They can still become a part of your family and grow over the years. Another way to honor your child may be to wear a piece of jewelry equipped with the birthstone that belonged to them. That way you always carry them with you. These are tangible reminders you can utilize to honor your baby and have them play a part in your life.
- Find An Online Forum
If talking to your friends and partner aren’t quite helping you, you may want to consider finding women like yourself online. There are numerous websites devoted to helping women who have had miscarriages connect and support one another. You may find such a site exactly the right place you need to express your thoughts and feelings as well as receive genuine empathy from those who have shared the same experience as you. You can share your own advice to others as well as receive new ideas on moving forward.
Time heals all things, and in time, you will heal, too. By utilizing some of these methods, you may be able to help the process along and find some healing for yourself and partner.
About The Author
Since I was 17 I was a full time Nanny. I lived with various business parents who, sadly, were so focused on chasing money that they had no time to raise their children. That’s right, they had enough money to pay a full time live-in nanny and still wanted more. I do not begrudge them this. Being overly maternal, even from a young age, I landed my dream job. I played mother to children and got paid for it. This went on for a few different families before I met my husband, 14 years later. I now play mother to my own children and am looking forward to providing guidance across their whole lives, not just the early years with Parent.Guide. The pay is less and the hours are much worse, but I couldn’t imagine anywhere I’d rather be. After accumulating a wealth of knowledge from my many years of nannying I created this blog to share my expertise with other mothers. Love, Jess