Families aren’t perfect, and this is a reality a lot of people know even as children. Divorce has become quite a common term used in daily life—and not everyone understands just how large the repercussions may be, particularly for more than just the couple involved. If the couple involved has children, not only does the divorce have to deal with the couple per se, but the children too. If you’re a mom and you’re going through divorce, you may have a good grasp on just how overwhelming some things are. Not only do you have to go through the emotional and perhaps financial burden of getting a divorce, but you have to remain a helping hand to your children as well.
Given the above, “coping” can be a concept that is hard to fulfill not just as a wife, but as a mother as well. Not only do you have to try your best to keep your cool throughout the situation, but you have to be able to help your children cope with what’s happening as well. The concept can be overwhelming, but not impossible to deal with. Here are some tips on how to cope with divorce as a mom.
According to Psychology Today, divorce is in itself not an easy thing to deal with, especially since this signifies the end of a marriage. This doesn’t mean the love had failed completely, but perhaps the pairing is not something to last for long. Divorce is the acknowledgment that the union between two parties has failed, and they need to separate in order to grow better as individuals. This is easier said than done, and especially so if children are involved. As a mom, coping with divorce can be much harder given there are a lot more factors involved. Here are a few tips:
Worry Away, Worry Precisely
For coping strategies, “just worry away” seems a bit counter intuitive. However, worrying can be of great assistance in your situation when used correctly. In the same Psychology Today article, it mentions that it may sometimes help to actually allow “White Bears” to preoccupy your head. White Bears are thought processes in your head that are otherwise intrusive and repetitive. These thoughts are commonly the ones that tend to go unresolved, and as such are thoughts the mind keeps searching for and can keep you annoyed in times of stress. Since divorce can be a stressful endeavor, getting those worries out completely can be of assistance.
- When you feel as though divorce is become overwhelming, try assessing what’s the worst case scenario that could happen anyway. Try to list it somewhere or grab a whiteboard and write the worst case scenario you could think of that could happen during the divorce. Is this something that can in fact happen anytime soon? If not, start from scratch until you determine the absolute worst case scenario that could happen.
- Allowing this “worry” to surface can help you get to know yourself better through this process, as you can confirm what you’re afraid of during the divorce, especially for your children, any find ways to prevent that situation from becoming a reality.
Feel Separately, Savoring
When you undergo divorce, feelings will inevitably be part of the table. This is a part that is undeniable in the process. However, it is very much possible to be able to deal with overwhelming emotions in divorce while being a parent. How? Try to explore the emotions as someone else.
- When you feel these emotions so intense that you think you could burst, try to feel it from the perspective of you observing someone else feeling them. Why do you think is this person (yourself) experiencing these emotions this way?
- This also means you shouldn’t refrain from allowing yourself to experience nice things every once in a while. Taking yourself and the kids for a day out, or getting yourself a massage every now and then can help you destress and have a clearer mind when it comes to coping with the divorce.
- Understanding this can help you explain what’s happening to your children as well. Explaining from the perspective of another person can help them understand what is going on with you and your ex partner during the process.
Think Abstract, Think Long Term
Sometimes, part of what can bother you during a divorce is what happens in the immediate part of the procedures. You might think of things such as the hassle of organizing how you and your ex partner will be seeing your kids, and who gets to support who in the long run. While these are valid concerns, worrying about them all at once will do you no good.
- Instead, try to think of what you’re aiming for now that you’re undergoing divorce. Instead of thinking about how much your ex partner needs to provide, or how scheduling works for visitation, try to think a bit more years ahead. Instead of finances and schedules, try to decide what is needed right now and what can be needed in the future. Trying to think long term can also greatly help in coping with your divorce.
- If you determine the long term goals you want to happen after your divorce, try to assess what’s in this situation that worries you the most and how you can deal with it. For instance, if what worries you is that you won’t have enough income to support your kids, then how exactly can you remedy this situation?
If there’s anything the tips above have shared, it’s that coping with divorce as a mom isn’t impossible to do. It will take time, effort, and patience to accomplish—and it will definitely be a bit of a painful process—but it is something you can achieve. Remember, don’t expect to be able to cope with the situation immediately, as you should also allow yourself time to grieve and reflect on what’s happening. If you are in need of legal assistance in the matter, you may also click here for more information.
Peggy Fleming is one of the most promising young law writers of year. She adds a modern take to her pieces on various law topics, which she writes for the common reader. She enjoys playing tennis with her siblings during her free time.